After revealing the name and address of a completely innocent man on twitter, EDL leader, Tommy Robinson has taken to the social media site once again to show he is not as thick as the episode made him look.
Robinson was attempting to publish the name and address of the editor of EDL News, an anti-EDL protest group, but instead revealed the details of a man who doesn’t even share the same name.
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With the US government on shutdown and showing no signs opening up for business, the Statue of Liberty has decided to up foundations and return to Europe.
Having achieved dual nationality in 1886, the gift from ‘the people of France’ claims she has not been paid in over a week.
The Statue said: “I find myself having to choose between a country that shuts down because the president threatens to give healthcare to all its citizens and a Europe run by Angela Merkel.
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Larry the cat, 10 Downing Street’s failed rat-catcher, has hit back at reports that he is not liked claiming he never really liked the Camerons anyway.
“We are from totally different backgrounds” Larry told cat trade paper, ‘Meows of the World’. “He was born into a family of millionaires and had the best education money could buy. I, on the other paw, was abandoned in London as a kitten and then put up for adoption.”
The village of Harold has stepped into the row about Qatar holding the 2022 World Cup by telling FIFA the village is ready to hold the competition should they need to change host.
“We already have the infrastructure in place” councillor Ronsson said. “And although like Qatar most of it was build using slave labour, ours was built a long time ago when slavery was acceptable so is actually of historical interest.”
Putting Harold’s case forward to take on the World Cup, Ronsson also pointed out several other advantages of holding it in the village instead of Qatar.
“We won’t need air conditioned stadiums as temperatures in Bedfordshire have never gone above 18.7C. We also have the Squirrel Licker Arms. Like many premises in Qatar it doesn’t have an alcohol license, but we have proudly turned a blind eye to that since 1984.”
The one concern levelled at village is the quality and quantity of stadia. Ronsson admitted that Harold Thursday’s ground was the biggest, holding up to 267 spectators. However he has said that can be increased to 534 if supporters are willing to sit on each other’s laps, something else that is allowed in Harold but frowned on in Qatar.
“For less important games we can convert the village green with some pop-up goals from Argos.”
Ronsson has said he thinks Harold’s bid should be enough to convince FIFA to move the tournament as it was delivered in a brown envelope with £1.3m in used notes.
He also noted that compared Qatar, any game played in Harold that goes to a ‘penalty shoot-out’ was less likely to involve a firing squad, a fact that should see the England team sleep a little better.
Live coverage of David Cameron’s conference speech. The Evening Harold brings you the highlights as they happen.
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With the influential report from the UN climate panel giving the strongest suggestion yet that climate change is a reality, the Daily Mail has rubbished the evidence saying it refuses to answer the key question, why does it still snow.
“We accept that this paper is one of the most peer reviewed in history” the Daily Mail’s Paul Dacre said. “And it has been written by hundreds of different scientists using experiments and data that are indisputable, but last week we had to put the central heating on. In September for God’s sake”
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A village council in Buckinghamshire have decided to axe its team of three traffic wardens in the latest rounds of budget cuts. The move by Harold council is set to save the taxpayers £66,000 a year.
Unlike similar cuts in other areas, local residents have started a petition to keep the parking enforcement officers, saying they are so nice, helpful and courteous people. “They are always willing to help, and have often saved me a space outside my café” Pippa Delaney told us.
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Filed under Around Harold, News
With the plan to cap energy prices not going down as well as expected, Ed Miliband is expected to take a another big gamble and cap the price of Baked Beans.
Ed ‘man of the working class’ Miliband told the Labour conference that his energy plan would save ordinary families £150, meaning the saving from five ‘ordinary family’ houses would be enough to pay for his new £750 conference suit.
Right wing, sexist, homophobic, anti-immigration, bigoted Ukip MEP, Godfrey Bloom, has said he is ‘against racism’ in a confrontation with a journalist who asked why there were no black people on the party conference programme; a question that was met with a slap round the head.
This startling revelation came within minutes of the part-time MEP, part-time Victor Meldrew look-a-like calling a room full of women ‘sluts’.
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With Nick Clegg’s announcement that school meals will be free for children between the ages of 5 and 7, parents are bracing themselves for a £900 per term ‘nutrition fee’.
“We are used to the Lib Dems promising things for free for students,” one parent told us, “and because of his previous promises we are starting to save now for when he dramatically increases the cost of free school meals.”
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September 17, 2013 · 2:58 pm
NRA urged to fight back against protesters by arming security with pro-gun banners
Following another tragic shooting in America yesterday, the argument for stricter gun controls has resurfaced.
With many calling for the owning of guns by crazed maniacs to be made illegal, the Nation Rifle Association (NRA) has once again defended the right to bear arms and suggested an alternative idea.
“After the Sandy Hook tragedy we recommended the routine arming of teachers as a sensible solution to stop psychopaths killing at random, and some states even made the idea policy” said Wayne LaPierre, executive Vice President of the NRA.
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Filed under Crime, International News, News, Politics
In his latest attempt to further undermine the west, Vladimir Putin has accused a British man of storing and using ‘chemical weapons’. The charge is laid at the door of television advert personality, and cleaning enthusiast Barry Scott.
The Russian leader alleges Cillit Bang products have a cleaning power that is only matched by sarin and other nerve agents. However the suggestion that ‘Lime and Grime’ can be used for kitchen, bathroom and ethnic cleansing have been strongly denied by Mr Scott.
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Postman Pat has spoken of his dismay at being the last children’s TV character to be privatised. This latest selling off of a public owned service has seen residents in Greendale concerned that their friendly local postie may not be allowed to carry out tasks irrelevant to his job of posting letters and delivering parcels in the future.
Speaking from his disproportionate head, Pat said: “I have spent many years helping the local farmer catch his livestock, building tunnels for hedgehogs and saving the village’s kids from all sorts of trouble, all on work’s time.”
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There has been more over the top royal security this morning at Balmoral, where Prince Charles has been held, at gunpoint, by Prince Philip.
The Prince of Wales found himself ambushed by his father during a leisurely walk through the royal estate. Describing the incident, Philip explained the moment he pointed his hunting rifle at the first heir to the throne.
A toddler has caused uproar in Harold after walking out of her nursery and walking 1.2 miles home as “it was a bit shit”.
Speaking on her return, the toddler said: “being surrounded by others that can barely string a sentence together, smell of pee and have a constant chocolate stain around their mouths started to become tedious for me and the other kids, especially as these idiots are supposed to be caring for us”
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September 5, 2013 · 8:58 am
With less than a week until a crucial debate and vote in the US congress over action in Syria, Senators and Congressmen are still awaiting for God to tell them his opinion.
Both sides of the argument have been praying hard to God, however He seem to be procrastinating over the monumental decision. If He has not spoken to them by Sunday, the vote may be put back.
After a tough week for David Cameron, he has now found himself being criticised in his own home. Samantha Cameron has thrown the prime minister out of their flat in Downing Street and told him to come back when he has grown up and stopped sulking.
The move from ‘Sam Cam’ follows a weekend of the prime minister ‘invading’ different parts of the apartment in a bid to appease his own conscience.
Filed under International News, News, Religion
With the world’s media gathered at Edinburgh Zoo getting increasingly impatient to see if their female panda, Tian Tian, is pregnant, staff are looking at ways to induce labour.
“If Tian Tian did become pregnant during a course of artificial insemination she will be due any day now,” her keeper told us. “But finding out if a panda is pregnant is not as black and white as it may seem.”
