Wayne still waiting to hear back from Mensa
“Imagine if he went into that cinema armed with just a baseball bat, he would have found it almost impossible to bash himself to death” reasoned NRA spokesman Wayne Einstein.
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Tag Archives: NRA
NRA says mass shooter shooting himself shows how guns save lives
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Filed under Crime, Law and Order, USA
Obama shooting latest: Cop explains he saw a black guy stealing the presidential helicopter
The police guard who shot President Obama last night as the head of state was striding across the White House lawns toward the presidential helicopter, has defended his actions saying that he “simply did his duty after seeing a suspicious black guy apparently stealing the President’s official helicopter.”
Wayne Derumbo, a white 29 year old US Park Officer, who was on his first day of duty at the White House when he shot the President said, “I simply did what any officer would do and fired at the black guy as he arrogantly made his way towards Marine One. I didn’t like his attitude, you’d have thought he owned the chopper or something.” Continue reading
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Filed under breaking news, International News, Police
NRA ‘confused’ by Pistorius ‘no mental issues’ decision
The National Rifle Association have said they are “upset and confused” by the verdict in the Oscar Pistorius trial that says he has “no mental illness”, so shot at his then girlfriend through his own free will.
“As we keep reminding you after every high-profile shooting, only those with serious underlying mental disorders use guns to shoot at other people,” an NRA spokesperson said.
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Filed under breaking news, International News, News
NRA launch campaign to send handguns to Ukraine
NRA urged members to ‘spare what you can, even a small gun can make a difference to someone’s life’
The USA’s National Rifle Association has stepped up to help the people of Ukraine, by urging its members to post hand guns to the country at random.
With 85% of the NRA having more guns than they can count in one sitting, the organisation’s president James W. Porter II has urged them to ‘send spare guns for freedom’.
“Ukraine is hurting”, said Porter. “They are struggling valiantly against Russia, Putin, communism and relatively sensible gun laws. It’s the perfect storm, a storm that can only be calmed by sending your old weapons.”
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Filed under breaking news, International News, Politics
NRA commemorate 50th anniversary of Lee Harvey Oswald’s rifle
JFK incident ‘shouldn’t detract from a really great gun’
NRA members across America today celebrated the timeless design and long range accuracy of the 6.5 mm Carcano Model 91/38 carbine, the rifle Lee Harvey Oswald used to assassinate President Kennedy.
“The Carcano 91/38 was everything you could want in a rifle, accurate for long shots from a 6th story window and yet still highly effective for the close combat stuff, like shooting a stranded motorist who stops by your house to borrow the telephone” said NRA spokesmen Jed Hicks. “The rifle was also sharply priced at $19.95, plus postage. Obviously I don’t approve of Oswald shooting the President, but his choice of mail-order rifle was excellent.”
“Obviously Oswald’s rifle was the most memorable thing from 22 November 1963, but some of the Secret Service weaponry came a close second” observed Hicks. “The Colt AR-15 high-velocity rifle that most of them had was the sort of weapon that, even now, gun fans proudly display on their bedside table to use against home invaders or provide something for the kids to play with.”
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Filed under Business, News, Technology
NRA: ‘Stop repeat of Washington shootings by routinely arming Navy’
NRA urged to fight back against protesters by arming security with pro-gun banners
Following another tragic shooting in America yesterday, the argument for stricter gun controls has resurfaced.
With many calling for the owning of guns by crazed maniacs to be made illegal, the Nation Rifle Association (NRA) has once again defended the right to bear arms and suggested an alternative idea.
“After the Sandy Hook tragedy we recommended the routine arming of teachers as a sensible solution to stop psychopaths killing at random, and some states even made the idea policy” said Wayne LaPierre, executive Vice President of the NRA.
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Filed under Crime, International News, News, Politics
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