Local toddler escapes from nursery because “it is a bit shit”.

A toddler has caused uproar in Harold after walking out of her nursery and walking 1.2 miles home as “it was a bit shit”.

Speaking on her return, the toddler said: “being surrounded by others that can barely string a sentence together, smell of pee and have a constant chocolate stain around their mouths started to become tedious for me and the other kids, especially as these idiots are supposed to be caring for us”

“Everyday we play with the same toys, hear the same stories and the things I have heard Ms Fraker talk about would make a porn star blush. It was not an environment conducive to my development and education, so I decided to get the hell out of there.”

The opportunity to escape came as workman, untrained in the finer elements of childcare and left unsupervised, left a door wide open.

“I saw my chance, and using all of my marine-style training over the last year, I crawled like a six-month-old on steroids unnoticed to freedom” the mini ‘Chris Ryan’ continued.

“The rest was easy. It is surprising how quickly someone with such little legs can toddle so far. But put half-a-pound of shit in your nappy and you soon make good progress.”

The nursery involved has apologised for the error and promised to take measures to stop an incident like this happening again in the future.

The manager said: “we take the children’s safety very seriously. That is why we are electrifying all of the perimeter fences, doors and interior walls.”

“Should they get past that, we have been authorised by Michael Gove to use a Tazer to stop the little lovelies running away.”