‘Paedo Packaging’ to tackle teen smokers


Could this make smoking less cool?

With research showing that graphic images on cigarette packs don’t deter teens from smoking, a new local initiative hopes to really put the willies up them.

Where pictures of blackened lungs, rotten teeth and tramps with flamboyant throat cancers have failed to take young smokers’ breath away, Harold’s ‘Paedo Packaging’ is already making many youths think twice about what they put in their mouths.

“The government has tried all sorts of initiatives to put kids off their fags”, admitted Cllr Ron Ronsson, who backs the shocking new campaign. “But until now, they haven’t harnessed the influence of celebrities.”

From next month, cigarette vendors in Harold will have to add the stark new images to their wares, which feature the leering heads of Jimmy Savile, Stuart Hall and Gary Glitter.

“Young people think they’re invincible, so health warnings don’t put them off”, suggested Ronsson. “But a quick straw poll suggested they’re not keen on paedos.” And while Ronsson admitted that the initial shock factor could wear off over time, he assured journalists that ‘plenty of other celebrities’ would become available to join the campaign in coming months.

Already, school smokers have become even more furtive than normal, with some hiding their smokes in less shameful cartons they found in a bin near the staff room. “For some reason, a lot are choosing pharmaceutical packaging that used to contain Methadone, viagra or horse tranquilisers”, revealed Ronsson. “But that’s a separate issue I shall be bringing up at the next parents’ evening.”

If the scheme works, Ronsson hopes to use other disgraced stars to warn against harmful substances. “People in advertising are well aware of how much influence they can have”, he claimed.

“For instance, during another trial we saw a marked drop in drunkenness amongst young people in Harold.  That’s a direct result of my booze labels showing Charles Saatchi holding Nigella by the throat.”

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