Tag Archives: cigarettes

Tobacco firms producing branded line of cancer drugs

Following their high court defeat over plain cigarette packaging, tobacco companies have announced a move into branded chemotherapy treatment.

“We accept that we have to start moving into new areas,” admitted British American Tobacco spokesman Harry Death.

“Our research shows a remarkably similar demographic between cancer patients and our existing customers. Really, it’s uncanny.”

Marlboro have already launched an aggressive cancer drug for the rugged outdoors type, while Benson and Hedges’ Silk Cut chemo will be aimed at users who do not really need treatment but don’t want to feel like they’re missing out.

Meanwhile, for those who find the whole chemo thing a bit too strong, why not try menthol-chemo for the cool rush of winter – like that bloke in the operating gown in the Macmillan ads.

This is only the start of big tobacco’s monetization of its products’ longer-term effects. Camel have started selling amusing hump-branded urns, while Superkings have a range of longer than usual coffins for budget-conscious tall people.

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Filed under Drugs, Health

‘Paedo Packaging’ to tackle teen smokers


Could this make smoking less cool?

With research showing that graphic images on cigarette packs don’t deter teens from smoking, a new local initiative hopes to really put the willies up them.

Where pictures of blackened lungs, rotten teeth and tramps with flamboyant throat cancers have failed to take young smokers’ breath away, Harold’s ‘Paedo Packaging’ is already making many youths think twice about what they put in their mouths.

“The government has tried all sorts of initiatives to put kids off their fags”, admitted Cllr Ron Ronsson, who backs the shocking new campaign. “But until now, they haven’t harnessed the influence of celebrities.”
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Filed under Around Harold, Business, Health