Tag Archives: energy

Woman fails to mention cancerous child and demented parent when complaining about her energy bill.

‘I’m going to write to Watchdog, blah, blah, blahdy blah….’

Breaking with years of well established tradition Mrs Fiona Warburton of Harold managed to complain to EDF about the accuracy of her energy bills without once mentioning her elderly mother’s advanced Alzheimer’s or her daughter’s terminal leukaemia. Continue reading

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Filed under Badgers, Business, Children, idiots, Lifestyle, Media, News, Society, Technology

Village to become carbon neutral using new ‘testi-scratch energy capture’ technology

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A local scientist has said he has possibly found a way to make Harold the UK’s first carbon-neutral village.

Using patented ‘testi-scratch energy capture’ technology he believes he can harness the energy created by men scratching themselves on the sofa and use it to heat and power homes around Harold.
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Filed under News, science

British Gas blame 9.2% price rise on ‘Global Christmas Party Markets’

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Not wishing to be left behind in the daylight robbery business, British Gas has announced average price rises to its customers of 9.2%

Centrica, British Gas’s parent company said: “We regret having to increase prices, especially at this time of year, but we have very little control over external factors that help us deliver energy such as global prices of Champagne, an unstable caviar market and the ‘shareholders’ Christmas party’ venue’s payment terms of 100% up front.
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Filed under Business, Crime, News, Politics

Ed ‘man of the working class’ Miliband to cap the price of Baked Beans

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With the plan to cap energy prices not going down as well as expected, Ed Miliband is expected to take a another big gamble and cap the price of Baked Beans.

Ed ‘man of the working class’ Miliband told the Labour conference that his energy plan would save ordinary families £150, meaning the saving from five ‘ordinary family’ houses would be enough to pay for his new £750 conference suit.

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Filed under News, Politics