A local scientist has said he has possibly found a way to make Harold the UK’s first carbon-neutral village.
Using patented ‘testi-scratch energy capture’ technology he believes he can harness the energy created by men scratching themselves on the sofa and use it to heat and power homes around Harold.
“The rhythmical self-scratching of a man sitting on the sofa with his hands down his trousers watching TV generates a massive amount of heat and energy that is currently just absorbed into his underwear,” he explained.
“But using our specially designed Y-fronts plugged into the mains can put that energy back into the Nation Grid.
“The amount of sofa based testi-scratching during tonight’s Champions League final alone should harness enough energy to power the village for a week.”
However the technology comes with a warning. “Some early users reported that even the slightest amount of arousal turn their penises into dangerous, unwanted light sabres.”
