‘I’m going to write to Watchdog, blah, blah, blahdy blah….’
Breaking with years of well established tradition Mrs Fiona Warburton of Harold managed to complain to EDF about the accuracy of her energy bills without once mentioning her elderly mother’s advanced Alzheimer’s or her daughter’s terminal leukaemia.
“It was all such a whirl”, said Mrs Warburton, “I called their customer service department to berate a low paid junior member of staff about the high estimated reading they’d used on my recent gas bill.”
“Normally I’d make a point of ensuring the underpaid minion was fully aware of the familial disasters that are our constant waking nightmare, because I know that energy suppliers are only meant to over estimate readings for people who have a complete set of healthy close relatives.”
“When the girl in their billing team immediately apologised and promised to reissue the invoice without having to be screamed at mercilessly for 10 minutes, I completely forgot to play the terminally ill relatives card”.
A spokesman for EDF said “Clearly it is entirely our fault that her family is dying around her, and that is why we took the decision to single her out for victimisation in this way”.
“I am truly sorry that Mrs Warburton wasn’t given the opportunity to accuse our front line operative of callous cold heartlessness and of being a ‘twatting useless cock’ for the slightly inflated computer generated reading over which they have no control”.
When questioned, a member of the Energy Ombudsman Service who are the consumer’s champion in these matters said “Oh fuck off and get some perspective”.
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