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Shoplifting ban should be suspended, rules court of appeal, as ‘everyone knows how to get past security bloke’

Now nick & collect, rule judges

Now nick & collect, rule judges

A court order banning the theft of goods from Tesco Express in Harold has been lifted. Court of Appeal judges accepted local thief Mark Kettle’s bid to lift the ban, and said the overt pilfering of items from the shop could start, pending a possible appeal from the manager.

The judges said the practice of nicking jars of coffee and packets of Haribo from Tesco Express had now been widely established and it was no longer in the public interest to maintain the ban.

They gave the shop time to apply to take the case to Dunstable Supreme Court. In the ruling, they said there must be no theft leading to getting caught before 13:00 BST on Wednesday. The shop has until 10:00 BST today to submit arguments to the Supreme Court.
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by Golgo13 | April 19, 2016 · 9:17 am

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Yvette Cooper and Andy Burnham deny trying to win Labour the next election

Balls, Burnham and Cooper react to Ed’s assurances he won’t step down

Yvette Cooper and Andy Burnham have strenuously denied having a meeting to discuss plans to make Labour win the next election.

The meeting between the two was to discuss the possibility of Ed Miliband launching his best policy to date, his resignation.
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by Perks | November 7, 2014 · 9:09 am

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Architect redesigns humans to complement new office

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Another office ruined by an unaesthetic member of staff.

An architect behind an expansive, minimalist office has revealed plans to make the people inside complement the aesthetic.

Xorex Global Inc. commissioned Harold architect Joseph Blythe to design their new head offices, only to discover their staff made the place ‘look a bit shit’.

“It’s rather churlish of them really”, said Blythe . “I’ve studied ‘Nihon kenchiku’ for 15 years and have a wonderful grasp of space and light. But I shouldn’t be expected to accomodate the sort of lumpen worker who buys suits from Tesco, and thinks comedy socks somehow ‘brighten the place up’.”

Blythe revealed the new human will be allowed to vary slightly in size. “Each managerial level will be occupied by adults 2.3% larger than the one below, to subtly reflect their status”, he explained.

“But throughout the concept, each will maintain a pleasing BMI of 18.7, which best reflects the trapezoidal pillars in the central atrium.”
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by waylandsmithy | August 1, 2014 · 11:00 am

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Did someone say schadenfreude?

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by Max C-F | December 21, 2013 · 10:39 am

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Is this about the cricket? UK’s Christmas card to Australia less festive than usual

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by Max C-F | December 8, 2013 · 2:30 pm

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by Max C-F | November 30, 2013 · 4:24 pm

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Byron Burger, £10. A Chancellor’s salary, £135k. Letting your mum cut your hair at 42, priceless

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by Perks | September 17, 2013 · 2:58 pm

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Tokyo Olympics in doubt due to threat from local wildlife

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by Max C-F | September 8, 2013 · 12:48 am

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As PM says parliament ‘must make some tough choices’, Nick Clegg wonders which cheek to slap first

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by Perks | September 5, 2013 · 8:58 am

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Channel 5 promises most exciting Celebrity Big Brother ever

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by Max C-F | August 25, 2013 · 3:00 pm

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X-Factor to be broadcast every Saturday and Sunday from now until Christmas

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by Max C-F | August 18, 2013 · 2:30 pm

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CIA confirm Area 51 exists: speculation that aliens walk among us rises

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by Max C-F | August 17, 2013 · 2:30 pm

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Australia play Sussex team more on their level ahead of third test

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by Max C-F | July 27, 2013 · 2:30 pm

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Picture special: Archbishop denies conflict of interest at Churches first credit union meeting

Welby thought it best not to bring his ceremonial crook, or Earl as he is known

Welby thought it best not to bring his ceremonial crook, or Earl as he is known

As you would expect, the meeting of the Churches first credit union meeting in Harold created a huge amount of interest.

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by Perks | July 26, 2013 · 1:36 pm

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Prince Charles discusses impending grandfatherhood with best friend

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by Max C-F | July 21, 2013 · 5:44 pm

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Not to be outdone by Wimbledon, Silverstone prepares for rain for F1 Grand Prix by closing their roof

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by Perks | June 28, 2013 · 12:00 pm

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Confusion at G8 summit as leaders misheard question to describe an ‘international bust-up’

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by Perks | June 18, 2013 · 5:51 pm

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Doubts over Putin’s claim divorce is ‘work related’

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by waylandsmithy | June 15, 2013 · 11:00 am

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Why is Sally Bercow working the nightshift at Tescos? innocent face

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by waylandsmithy | May 24, 2013 · 12:55 pm

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Picture Exclusive: Klay Rooney gives Wayne and Coleen their first sleepless night

Baby Klay is the spitting image of his father, with slightly drier skin

Baby Klay is the spitting image of his father, with slightly drier skin

If you like it, we’d love you to share it.

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by Perks | May 21, 2013 · 9:45 am