Russia accuse British man of storing chemical weapons


In his latest attempt to further undermine the west, Vladimir Putin has accused a British man of storing and using ‘chemical weapons’. The charge is laid at the door of television advert personality, and cleaning enthusiast Barry Scott.

The Russian leader alleges Cillit Bang products have a cleaning power that is only matched by sarin and other nerve agents. However the suggestion that ‘Lime and Grime’ can be used for kitchen, bathroom and ethnic cleansing have been strongly denied by Mr Scott.

“I have been accused of exaggerating the cleaning power of Cillit Bang, but this is taking it to another level” Mr Scott shouted excitedly. “Our products are more than capable of wiping lime scale from a tap, but unlike the materials used by President Assad, they can’t wipe a village off the map”.

These accusations are thought by many to be Vladimir Putin’s way of taking some heat away from the conflict in Syria, and putting more pressure on the British government.

Prime Minister David Cameron has said he is angry about the claims and is threatening to take decisive action against Russia by asking parliament to back a strongly worded letter to the UN.

This is a threat that Putin shrugged off. After he finished laughing he said: “Mr Cameron can write all of the letters he likes, but he needs to accept Assad has never admitted using chemical weapons, whereas Barry Scott goes on television shouting ‘BANG, and the dirt is gone’.”

“If that is not an admission of war crimes, then I have not wrestled a bear, naked, before drinking 3 barrels of vodka with him and saving a baby from the jaws of a cobra”

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