Ukip leader Nigel Farage has launched a scathing attack on Edinburgh Zoo’s possibly pregnant panda bear, Tian Tian, accusing her of getting pregnant just to stay in the UK.
“We are a soft touch,” Farage told supporters. “These bloody foreign pandas come over here, are housed and fed for free and now she is pregnant she will no doubt move out of the zoo, into a council house and receive every benefit going.”
Continue reading
Filed under Badgers, International News, News
New pandas ‘up to 90% more randier’.
Edinburgh zoo is celebrating their first panda pregnancy, after doctors substituted the female with a spaniel in heat.
Tian Tian had initially appeared reluctant to mate with the male panda, Yang Guang. But by pioneering a technique that saw the female bear trapped under a bucket and replaced with a smallish three year-old dog, experts hoped to dramatically increase the chances of conception.
Expert Brian Sweeney explained that it hadn’t all been plain sailing.
Continue reading
The future Duke & Duchess?
Although he is the bookies’ favourite for a top honour, David Beckham has revealed that he may reject a knighthood if it was offered to him on the grounds that his pouty wife, Victoria, feels that the “Lady” title has been devalued after being conferred upon Lady Gaga.
Speaking at the launch of ‘The Class of ‘92’, a film in which some stupidly rich footballers return to school to learn basic mathematics to enable them to count their vast millions, the best footballer ever admitted that his iconic designer wife had misgivings about becoming just plain Lady Beckham. Continue reading
It has emerged that badgers are not the only creatures being killed in the Gloucestershire cull aimed at restricting the spread of bovine TB. Statistics released last night revealed that the death toll to date includes 798 badgers, 15 giant pandas, 7 nuns, a Goth, and an abandoned piano.
Although wildlife experts were horrified at the loss of the panda colony, a Defra spokesman tried to put a positive spin. ‘This is good news,’ he said, “because we had no idea there was a flourishing panda community in the West Country. Of course, it’s probably not flourishing now, but it’s nice to know that it had been there.” Continue reading
With the world’s media gathered at Edinburgh Zoo getting increasingly impatient to see if their female panda, Tian Tian, is pregnant, staff are looking at ways to induce labour.
“If Tian Tian did become pregnant during a course of artificial insemination she will be due any day now,” her keeper told us. “But finding out if a panda is pregnant is not as black and white as it may seem.”
What do you mean, ‘you can’t get bamboo up here?’
Comments Off on Celebration as first Scottish panda due
Filed under International News, News
You must be logged in to post a comment.