Tag Archives: pregnant

Jeremy Corbyn unmasked as police spy

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Corbyn’s disguise was ‘almost fool-proof’.

An undercover police officer who infiltrated the Labour leadership contest has been named as Jeremy Corbyn.

Corbyn, who has three other families through his work with Greenpeace, Amnesty International and the Beard Liberation Front, has gone back to his fishing village now his cover is blown.

“I can confirm that PC ‘Corbyn’ has worked for the Special Demonstration Squad since 1983”, said the Met’s superintendent Latechild. “Unfortunately on this occasion, he’s overstretched his remit.”
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Supermarkets under fire for ‘Morning Sickness Kate’ Halloween costume

uhbr1030l_10ltr_bucket_redBritain’s biggest retailers are today coming under pressure to withdraw from sale a Halloween costume that allows wearers to pretend to be the Duchess of Cambridge suffering from severe morning sickness. Continue reading

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Duke and Duchess of Cambridge expecting second child – Just 238 to go to avoid ‘Bedroom Tax’

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Clarence House have announced the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their second child. Speaking about her good news Kate said: “Only another 238 to go and we can totally avoid the bedroom tax”.

Having their benefits cut for every free room in their tax-payer funded house has left the couple down to their last few million, with Prince William being forced to get a job, although to keep their benefits this may not have be declared.

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Farage anger at pregnant ‘benefit tourist’, Tian Tian

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Ukip leader Nigel Farage has launched a scathing attack on Edinburgh Zoo’s possibly pregnant panda bear, Tian Tian, accusing her of getting pregnant just to stay in the UK.

“We are a soft touch,” Farage told supporters. “These bloody foreign pandas come over here, are housed and fed for free and now she is pregnant she will no doubt move out of the zoo, into a council house and receive every benefit going.”
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Kate steps up attempts to quash pregnancy rumours

chav kateThe Duchess of Cambridge has spent the first day of her official trip to Australia continuing to quash the rumours that she may be pregnant.

The rumours started when she was handed a baby shawl from a well wisher and when thanking them said “you may need to make another one soon, we are at it like inbreds”.

After a brief wine tasting session failed to dispel talk of pregnancy, she decided to use being in Australia as an opportunity to get absolutely rat-arsed and completely let herself go, just to prove a point. Continue reading

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Panda ‘pregnant’ after Tian Tian replaced by randy spaniel

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New pandas ‘up to 90% more randier’.

Edinburgh zoo is celebrating their first panda pregnancy, after doctors substituted the female with a spaniel in heat.

Tian Tian had initially appeared reluctant to mate with the male panda, Yang Guang. But by pioneering a technique that saw the female bear trapped under a bucket and replaced with a smallish three year-old dog, experts hoped to dramatically increase the chances of conception.

Expert Brian Sweeney explained that it hadn’t all been plain sailing.
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