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This section represents a Lib Dem promise

Alton Towers have today unveiled the latest thrill ride in their collection. The ‘Coalition Roller Coaster’ has been launched as the theme park’s most ambitious ride yet with many twists and turns, all representative of the ‘journey’ the coalition government has taken.

The ride was designed by John Wardley, who is responsible for many successful rides at the theme park, including the famous Nemesis, and he explained to us the ideas behind the ride.

“Originally the ride was to start as two separate trains, one yellow, one blue, that join together on the way up to the start. As soon as they are fully linked the ride starts with a stomach churning free-fall drop. To add to the feeling of queasiness there were going to be pictures of Cameron and Clegg smiling together in the garden at number 10. This drop would have increased the speed launching you straight into a sudden u-turn which we call ‘tuition fee turn’.”
Enjoy the rest of the ride here…

The local Parish Council has announced ambitious plans to hold a referendum on the possible independence of Harold from Felching County Council, spearheaded by Lionel Garage, leader of the Harold Independence Party.

The idea was first mooted in the early 1950s following the initial move to bring Harold under the control of a central power. At that time, many villagers felt that their traditional rights and the individuality of the village would be lost as it was absorbed into a larger, unified council structure.

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Despite appearing on billboards, church claims it isn’t a sign

The Church of England has attacked the Sunday Times for not including the organization in ‘The best companies to work for’ list. Having been overlooked every year since the list began in 2001, they feel it’s about time they were recognised for the huge leaps forward made in Human Resources since splitting from the Roman Catholic Church, nearly 500 years ago.

“A job for life, free uniform, accommodation, and a great retirement home called Heaven, for God’s sake. Tell me who else gets those kind of benefits”, the Archbishop of Canterbury said angrily from company accommodation, Lambeth Palace.

“We have welcomed women, sort of, homosexuals, in a way, and we view them as nearly equal. The only downside to the job is that we have to work Sundays, but we’re even looking to stop that”.
Read more here

There was uproar and excitement in the High Street today, after Harold resident, and incomer, Dominic (Dom) Delaney was arrested trying to steal a 2 litre bottle of Tesco Value vodka from the store.

Security staff apprehended Mr Delaney, 47, formerly a Futures Trader in the City of London, as he tried to make off with the bottle of cheap person’s booze.

He had been spotted attempting to leave the store, by an eagle-eyed member of staff who had just served him. They bravely alerted security guard William McKean who sat on Mr Delaney until PC Flegg arrived.
Read more here