Tag Archives: chicken

New GM chickens born with leg elastic already in place

What's for dinner?

What’s for dinner?

A new breed of genetically modified chickens has been hailed a success by its developer, Harold farmer Lionel Garage.

“The new chicken type is featherless from birth,” Mr Garage told the Evening Harold, “pre-basted and also comes with the all-important leg elastic as a built-in feature.”

Farmer Garage claims the new design will result in increased profitability for chicken producers, saving them much of the cost of traditional posthumous poultry processing.

“Standard-type chickens require labour-intensive after-death attention,” he said, “and I’m frankly sick off forking out so much plucking cash. And you wouldn’t believe how long it takes to get that elastic band round its back legs.”

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Villagers dig coal mine in protest against Thatcherism

cottage copy

Mine’s ‘a large one’

Angry villagers have launched a powerful and overly complex protest against Thatcherism, by excavating a coal mine deep below Harold.

Working 10-hour shifts in appalling conditions, the group has so far dug over 13 miles of tunnels by hand. With stifling heat and deadly methane to contend with and no practical civil engineering experience between them, the list of casualties grows by the day.

Phil Evans thinks it’s worth it. Wearing a fruit-bowl with a bicycle lamp taped to it and carrying a gas-detecting bantam chicken, Evans looks every inch the icon of working class struggle.
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