The Church of England has attacked the Sunday Times for not including the organization in ‘The best companies to work for’ list. Having been overlooked every year since the list began in 2001, they feel it’s about time they were recognised for the huge leaps forward made in Human Resources since splitting from the Roman Catholic Church, nearly 500 years ago.
“A job for life, free uniform, accommodation, and a great retirement home called Heaven, for God’s sake. Tell me who else gets those kind of benefits”, the Archbishop of Canterbury said angrily from company accommodation, Lambeth Palace.
“We have welcomed women, sort of, homosexuals, in a way, and we view them as nearly equal. The only downside to the job is that we have to work Sundays, but we’re even looking to stop that”.
The companies listed are assessed on a range of criteria including ‘wellbeing’, ‘a fair deal’ and ‘leadership’, with the latter being the area the Church feels it excels in.
Local Vicar, Tansy Forster, explained that in her opinion, God is the best boss you could have. “He is always available at the end of a prayer but doesn’t really get involved in the day-to-day business. I’ll admit, I find the fact that he’s everywhere and always watching symptomatic of a ‘big brother society’, but you soon forget he’s there.”
The Sunday Times has agreed that the Church of England has some exemplary attributes, not least the work they do for the needy and cake shops, but defended their decision not to include them.
A spokesman for the paper explained, “It’s lovely that no matter what the employees do, God will always treat them with care, dignity and respect. But then he’s also prone to taking his anger out on thousands of people with a tsunami, earthquake or hurricane. Not even Tesco bosses have that much power.’