MoD embarrassed over acquisition of ‘X-Ray specs’ for war zone security

The product looked so convincing, nobody was aware of the con

Children’s magazines from the UK and the USA have been found guilty of fraud after they were caught advertising X-Ray specs.

The specs, which were seen advertised in many 70’s and 80’s magazines such as ‘Combat and Survival’, ‘Soldier of Fortune’ and even the usually reputable ‘Beano’ have been proven not to work, which not only put boys at risk as they tried to see their teacher’s underwear, but also our forces who were using the specs to look for hidden explosives.

The claims of false advertising were brought by the Ministry of Defence who had bought 15,000 pair of the glasses as part of a cost saving exercise. They were then distributed to our troops on the front line. The case has also caused tensions between the UK and Iraqi forces after they were given them to use at checkpoints when searching for drugs, money or bombs.

“It is believed that the companies selling these X-Ray specs could have made anything up to £1.50 profit on each pair sold” one of the prosecutors told the court.

“They can only be described as irresponsible by making claims about this product that were simply not true. To add to the whole facade the even drew a convincing cartoon of someone using them and seeing a skeleton to accompany the advert.”

Phillip Hammond MP, the Secretary of State for defence has defended the MoD’s acquisition of the fake glasses. “Like every other sections of government we have had to look at many different cost cutting measures. So I turned to ‘Soldier of Fortune’ which I thought was a trade magazine. We had the choice of using X-Ray specs or a golf ball finder to try to protect or troops.”

Phillip Hammond blames the convincing sales pitch in a magazine

“In the end, we went with the product with the biggest advert in the magazine, and that was the specs. If you think about it, there is also no way you could invent a machine to find golf balls. Not even we’re that gullible.”

The inventor of the specs has apologised for any inconvenience his product may have caused but did point out that the ‘plastic glasses with cheap cardboard lenses’ were only ever designed as a joke for children, and ‘were never intended to be bought by f**king idiots’.