“I first realized I was psychic next Monday” ― Dean Cavanagh
Sparkly idiot magnet Sally Morgan took time out from ripping off the credulous and the vulnerable to sack her husband and her son-in-law after they threatened a man handing out leaflets querying whether or not she can actually talk to the dead. Continue reading
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Filed under Entertainment
Customers also unsure whether to keep them in the fridge
A Farmer in Harold is under fire after claims his free-range eggs were actually ’round things he found in a field’.
PC Flegg confirmed she’d received a number of calls from disgruntled locals, mainly from the payphone in Dunstable A&E.
“It seems that rather than selling ova from happy hens, farmer David Evans has been boxing up small rocks, clumps of soil and the occasional dog’s egg”, explained Flegg.
“Aside from the obvious questions about hygiene and trading standards, my breakast was ruined by dipping my soldiers in an old doll’s head.”
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Filed under Around Harold, Farming, Food
Dead husband turned out to be a raisin.
A spider from Harold has been convicted of fraud, after claiming a single person’s council tax discount and a widow’s pension.
Few would have thrown the ‘false widow’ spider a second glance in the village, except arachnophobes who might have instead thrown a shoe. But beneath her hideous exterior lay a hideouser secret, and it wasn’t an incey-wincey one.
“Ms Borisina has claimed over £15,000 in benefits, since claiming she ate her husband after mating with him in 2007”, explained PC Flegg.
“But we now know he’s very much alive, having smuggled himself abroad inside the door mirror of a Polish-registered Skoda Fabia.”
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Filed under Around Harold, Crime
Mr Murphy also restocked the paper’s stationary cupboard.
A man with virtually no morals to fall back on posed as a journalist for the Daily Mail.
That’s the claim of a food bank recently cleaned out by the scrounger, who is described as ‘starving of empathy and quite heavily stained with chocolate.’
Simon Murphy walked into the offices of the newspaper and started typing out hate, after discovering that charities were giving out food to families that need it. Not one member of staff spotted that something was wrong, despite the rowdy ‘nomnomnom’ coming from his desk, or his continual complaint that they didn’t have couscous.
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Filed under breaking news, Economy, Politics
Robinson realised his mistake as soon as he said he was not racist
Ex-EDL leader Tommy Robinson had been jailed for 18 months for fraudulently claiming he was not racist. He made the claims in October when he left the EDL citing his concerns over the ‘dangers of far-right extremism’.
Robinson pleaded guilty to the charge and told the court that looking back he could see he was actually fooling nobody. “The trouble with fraud is that you have to convince people you are something you are not,” Robinson told the court.
“In hindsight I may have had more luck convincing people I had to leave because I was pregnant than asking them to believe I was no longer a bigot.”
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Filed under Uncategorized
The product looked so convincing, nobody was aware of the con
Children’s magazines from the UK and the USA have been found guilty of fraud after they were caught advertising X-Ray specs.
The specs, which were seen advertised in many 70’s and 80’s magazines such as ‘Combat and Survival’, ‘Soldier of Fortune’ and even the usually reputable ‘Beano’ have been proven not to work, which not only put boys at risk as they tried to see their teacher’s underwear, but also our forces who were using the specs to look for hidden explosives.
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Filed under Crime, News, Uncategorized
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