‘False Widow’ spider ‘was benefit cheat’

spider face

Dead husband turned out to be a raisin.

A spider from Harold has been convicted of fraud, after claiming a single person’s council tax discount and a widow’s pension.

Few would have thrown the ‘false widow’ spider a second glance in the village, except arachnophobes who might have instead thrown a shoe. But beneath her hideous exterior lay a hideouser secret, and it wasn’t an incey-wincey one.

“Ms Borisina has claimed over £15,000 in benefits, since claiming she ate her husband after mating with him in 2007”, explained PC Flegg.

“But we now know he’s very much alive, having smuggled himself abroad inside the door mirror of a Polish-registered Skoda Fabia.”

Borisina isn’t a native species of Harold, but was moved to the village against her will on a banana. Since setting up home she’s been accepted by locals, who admired her willingness to work antisocial hours catching flies, fag ash and earwigs.

“It’s a shame her desperate situation led her to cheating the system”, admitted Flegg. “But eventually her indiscretions meant we were forced to act. She was often online and after a bit of searching the web we found her: she ran to the middle when I poked it with a pen.”

Borisina is currently awaiting sentence, on a pizza flyer covered with a wine glass.

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