Miliband admits Labour spending plans were vetted by Tesco’s auditors

Only minutes after his triumphant keynote speech, Ed Miliband was in trouble again after not realising that Labour shared auditors with troubled supermarket giant Tesco.

Intending to underline the credibility of the spending plans, the gaffe prone leader managed to strike them through by revealing that Labour had used the same accountancy firm as Tesco, who owned up to a £250 million black hole in their profit statement.

The beleaguered leader made his latest cock up during an interview with Andrew Neil.

When quizzed by the veteran political commentator about Labour’s plans for the economy, Ed Miliband looked relaxed as if he was holding a trump card.

“All of our plans have been vetted by independent auditors,” he said triumphantly. “In fact,” he added with a lopsided grin, “the very finest, used by Tesco themselves! Now, you can’t get more secure than that.”

After quickly adding to his pun, by saying that Ed Balls often used the slogan “Every little helps.” Miliband’s grin turned to bewilderment when Neil asked if he had read the newspapers over the last few days.

“No, I’ve been locked away with my aides practicing my speech,” he said. “..er why?”

When Neil informed him of Tesco’s accounting discrepancy, Miliband started to look as if he had been caught half way through eating a bacon roll and frantically looked around in vain for a friendly advisor.

“I think we have an unexpected item in baggage area situation,” he ad-libbed to Neil. “Now, I’ve been told to talk about being unafraid of taking tough decisions if I’m struggling, and I can assure you that the first tough decision I’ve made is to find my spin doctor and sack the bastard.”