Microsoft researchers have designed a “smart bra” which is so advanced that it can actually be removed by male video game enthusiasts and sport fans.
The prototype is made from patent graphene “NoStick” fabric and has a rear clasp based on the new XBox controller for added thumb gripability.
The aim was to find out if wearable technology could reduce the average time taken for men to unhook and remove ladies’ underwear from ‘forever’ to something more in keeping with today’s busy lifestyles.
Testing in real-life scenarios with specially fitted crash test shop window dummies has proved encouraging, with several male volunteers managing to remove the bras from at least one shoulder inside three weeks. Progress has been slowed by the unexpected tendency for the dummies to eventually grow disheartened with the whole experience, feign headaches and form attachments to each other.
As expected by today’s consumers, the smart bra contains a host of other high-tech wizardry. A discreet LCD display slides out of the underwired front panels when the masculine removal attempt begins, allowing the female wearer to while away the time watching episodes of Downton Abbey as the male fumbles behind her. Road tests of this feature were inconclusive however, with experts predicting that a fifth series may be required before complete removal.
Kevin Planck, chief programmer on the team, spoke to journalists of his excitement over the cutting edge underwear: “It’s amazing! The bra has an embedded electrocardiogram as well as a gyroscope and accelerometer, this thing could put a man on the moon!” Before adding wistfully: “It’s just such a shame that I’m unlikely to ever see one for real.”
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