Type 2 diabetes sufferers around the UK are waiting eagerly for the traditional Coca-Cola festive truck, which tours the country each Christmas season handing out free cola and insulin pens to the needy.
Type 1 diabetes has a strong family link, cannot be prevented and has nothing to do with lifestyle. The type 2 variant, however, is more prevalent in overweight people with high blood pressure, insufficient physical activity and a poor, sugary diet.
“Those are our people!” explained Coca-Cola UK chief executive Ron Cavity. “And it fills me with Christmas joy that this year we’ll be going round the country giving out sugary drinks and treatment to stabilise skyrocketing blood glucose levels.”
“Not many people know this, but the original Saint Nicholas weighed over 24 stone, had blood pressure up the wazoo and liked nothing better than a refreshing glass of carbonated water with high-fructose corn syrup, caffeine and phosphoric acid. Not forgetting caramel colour (E150d) of course! Ho Ho Ho!”
Cola fans of all ages are expected to line the streets in expectation, from the youngest only-slightly-overweight schoolboy to the oldest blindest double amputee.
Critics complaining that the whole exercise is a shameless marketing stunt were left mollified after it was pointed out that a good amount of what the average family would spend on cola over the year would be recouped in cancelled payments to the tooth fairy.
“You can’t put rot under your pillow!” explained one expert.