EU citizens in the UK, British citizens living abroad, and now Gibraltar.
The list of things that are ‘not on the table’ and ‘will not be used as bargaining chips’ grows ever longer. But sources close to the government have revealed that we might end up bargaining with actual chips!
UK negotiators could bring parcels of our piping hot, newspaper-wrapped national dish and offer chips, a battered sausage, or even a bite of fishcake in exchange for “the best possible deal for the United Kingdom”.
Access to free market…fancy a chip, Angela?
Access to health services for Brits…batter scraps, Monsieur?
However, UK negotiators could snatch away the bargaining chips at the last minute and eat them all by themselves, warn sources, and the EU team would just have to lump it.
There were red faces and some ‘lolz’ up and down Harold High Street when it emerged that many readers had been taken in by one of our April fool stories – but did you spot it?
Residents awoke to a straight-faced article on the business pages of our off-line version that explained how Mexican regulators had given the go ahead for the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China (ICBC) to take a ‘significant’ share of the local operations of Grupo Financiero Banorte, S.A.B. de C.V., (Banorte), one of the big four Mexican commercial banks.
But the joke was on them, because nothing of the sort had happened, and it appears many readers believed the story, answering “yes” when asked if they believed the story.
Eco fans can now offset their carbon footprint by taking a cruise on a galley slave-powered cargo ship.
With bookings now being taken to bring 55,000 tonnes of iPhones, smart watches and other electronic crap back from China, just 1,200 ethical adventurers are needed to get it here by Christmas.
“Unfortunately that’s not Christmas this year, and most of this tat will be out of date by 2018”, explained green-tour organizer Damien Howitzer.
“But between them, they will have saved enough fuel to pop the whole lot in the landfill, and still have enough carbon credits left to fly the family to Florida. Well, those that survive, obviously.”