Jabba the Hutt pressured to lose 3,500 lbs for new Star Wars movie


Lean and mean

Following the news that Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill were asked to lose weight to reprise their roles in the new Star Wars movie, evil space gangster Jabba the Hutt has claimed that he too was pressured to slim down.

“The producers called my agent,” Mr the Hutt revealed today, “And they explained that they were very keen to have my character return, but they’d kind of imagined a much thinner version.”

“Well, I wasn’t happy, but what am I going to do? It’s not like I’m going to let anyone else play Jabba, is it? They had me over a barrel.”

“I know aliens shouldn’t be judged by their size, but to be fair, I am an enormous flabby monster the size of a small planet.”

“3,500 pounds, I had to lose. They might as well have told me to get nicer, because that’s how tough it was.”

Jabba revealed that a strenuous programme of jogging and pilates eventually helped shed that disgusting alien flab, along with a strict diet.
“No more Klatooine paddy frogs, which was a big ask,” the Hutt explained. “And no chocolate. I called up Boba Fett and told him I didn’t need a Bounty Hunter, but he could pop down to the shops and get me some muesli. He didn’t understand either.”

Now that Jabba has dropped 12,000 sizes, he admits he’s feeling great.

“I’m a lean, mean slug-like alien,” he confirmed. “My new ‘Workout with Jabba’ DVD is flying off the shelves in time for Christmas, and I’ve lost so much weight, I might actually be able to get into Princess Leia’s bikini!”


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