Tag Archives: Corbyn

Literary critics hail Chancellor’s petrol tank analogy

Saving it all for a rainy day.

Language experts have welcomed Philip Hammond’s use of simplified English to explain esoteric financial matters to the general public.

“I struggle to avoid glazing over when economists refer to complex fiscal concepts like ‘contingency fund’,” said literary critic Peter Pentop, “but the idea of putting petrol in the tank before embarking on a car journey suddenly makes everything clear. I guess he’s putting up fuel duty from midnight.”
Continue reading

Leave a Comment

Filed under Business, Economy, Europe, Labour, NHS, Politics, Society

Jeremy Corbyn offers Owen Smith job as Labour Party gimp.

Leather_gimp_suit

Taking one for the team.

Casting aside his opponent’s offer of a role as party president, Mr Corbyn has told Owen Smith that when, sorry if, he is re-elected as party leader, his erstwhile challenger will be given a new honourary position of his own; that of dominated rubber clad party bitch. Continue reading

Comments Off on Jeremy Corbyn offers Owen Smith job as Labour Party gimp.

Filed under Badgers, Corby's Corner, Labour, News, Politics, Sex, Tony Blair

Labour Party Support For Coxit Up

image_0_0

The first bearded shadow front bench MP since Ann Widdecombe.

In a bid to kick UK political stability firmly in the nuts while the country tries to recover from an unusually bad bout of stupid; the Parliamentary Labour Party has decided that it can’t allow Jeremy Corbyn to remain as its most popular leader in a generation.

“There’s no room for selfless demonstrations of moral integrity in the modern Labour Party” said former shadow foreign secretary and twatfumbling cumblanket Hilary Benn. Continue reading

Comments Off on Labour Party Support For Coxit Up

Filed under Badgers, EU referendum, Independence referendum, Labour, News, Politics, Tony Blair

Jeremy Corbyn now abandoned by everyone apart from ‘voters’

uk_corbyn

Down to his last 20 million supporters…

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn is now so isolated politically that he can only call upon the support of a shadowy group of people known in the UK as “voters”, it emerged today.

Facing certain defeat in the Oldham by-election, Corbyn played a typically dastardly trick in persuading normal English people to come out of their homes in droves to vote for the Labour candidate.

The result, in which Labour scored a huge popular majority with an increased share of the vote, was condemned by commentators as “treason” and “Labour sympathising”.

Sun columnist Ron Liddle explained that Labour hadn’t really won at all, as getting the most votes in a democratic election was no guarantee of fairness, and proved his point with examples from history including Hitler, Stalin, and, confusingly, ABBA’s 1974 Eurovision Song Contest hit “Waterloo”. Continue reading

3 Comments

Filed under Election 2015, idiots

Labour activists to defeat ISIL by bullying them on Twitter

#itstheonlylanguagetheyunderstand

#itstheonlylanguagetheyunderstand

As Jeremy Corbyn insisted that the fanaticism of ISIL will not be defeated by bombs, party activists claimed they can only be tackled by bullying them on social media.

“Tweeting that they ‘might want to watch out’, or posting their home address on Facebook, will soon undermine their resolve”, explained party activist Seamus Gott.

“Or we could shout the same slogan over and over again outside their bedroom window, all through the night”, Gott mused. “That should get the message across that we don’t value their opinions.”
Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Politics, War

“Air strike decision on hold until we decide what to call the bad people” – PM.

ISIS

Caliphate of Ultra Nationalist Terrorists in Syria

David Cameron is expected to table an urgent commons vote this week to decide the next name to give to the terror group, formally known as ISIL.

The terrorist organization has undergone a series of radical name changes over the last 3 years as their PR machine struggles to find a universally acceptable brand. Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Badgers, bombs, idiots, Labour, Law and Order, Media, News, Politics, Society, War

Jeremy Corbyn accidentally votes against Labour

"I'm not sure what the question was."

“I’m not sure what the question was.”

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has accidentally supported the Conservative party, after ‘instinctively’ voting against Labour party policy.

“This can happen if you’re a rebel, and you end up in charge”, said a spokesman. “It’s easy to forget that it was you who made the decision in the first place.”

Jeremy Corbyn has rebelled against his party more than 500 times during his career. Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell praised him for his consistency, but then changed his mind and called him a ‘scab’.
Continue reading

Comments Off on Jeremy Corbyn accidentally votes against Labour

Filed under Politics

Corbyn fails to rule out Dog Tax

corbyn

Corbyn holds up an invisible dachshund.

Pundits have noted that Jeremy Corbyn failed to rule out a punitive dog tax during his keynote conference speech.

A dog tax, which would unfairly hit owners of dogs, is likely to be very unpopular amongst the dog owning community.

Throughout his time as prime minister, David Cameron has never once raised the prospect of punishing those with canine assets, although it wasn’t specifically ruled out in the Tory manifesto.
Continue reading

Comments Off on Corbyn fails to rule out Dog Tax

Filed under Economy, Politics

Wreckage of Labour Party found on remote island

CorbynIt is believed that the wreckage washed up on the shores of an Indian Ocean island may belong to the Labour Party which has been missing for several years.

Nothing has been heard from the carrier since it took off with Captain Jeremy Corbyn at the controls. Experts have established that it veered sharply to the left and then disappeared from the radar screens into obscurity. Continue reading

Comments Off on Wreckage of Labour Party found on remote island

Filed under Politics

Kendall, Cooper, and Burnham all quit leadership race to block Corbyn

Like the Lenin hat, Jeremy!

Like the Lenin hat, Jeremy!

The competence of the Labour Party has been questioned once again after it was announced that leadership hopefuls, Liz Kendall, Yvette Cooper and Andy Burnham had all withdrawn from the contest in favour of Andy Burnham, Yvette Cooper and Liz Kendall.

Driven by a combined fear that Jeremy Corbyn might have an outside chance of becoming the next Labour leader if someone didn’t step down from the contest, each of the prospective leaders fell upon their swords leaving the grizzled leftie a shoo-in for the leadership.

“It’s even worse than the Miliband debacle,” said one veteran Labour activist. “They’ve all pulled out and in seconds have collectively set the Party back by thirty five years without a single bacon roll in sight.” Continue reading

Comments Off on Kendall, Cooper, and Burnham all quit leadership race to block Corbyn

Filed under breaking news, Politics

Disgust as rebel MPs vote with their conscience

Corbyn

One of the maniacs who expressed an opinion.

A handful of Labour MPs have caused widespread disgust after voting in parliament in line with their principles.

Supply leader Harriet Harman had urged her MPs not to vote on welfare reforms, because doing so might make them unpopular with traditional tory voters.

“It’s those conservative voters that Labour needs to appeal to in future”, said Harman. “We’re not going to get far if we listen to the little voice inside that says ‘this is wrong, we should object to this with every fibre of our being’.”
Continue reading

Comments Off on Disgust as rebel MPs vote with their conscience

Filed under Politics