Tag Archives: beard

Labour Party Support For Coxit Up


The first bearded shadow front bench MP since Ann Widdecombe.

In a bid to kick UK political stability firmly in the nuts while the country tries to recover from an unusually bad bout of stupid; the Parliamentary Labour Party has decided that it can’t allow Jeremy Corbyn to remain as its most popular leader in a generation.

“There’s no room for selfless demonstrations of moral integrity in the modern Labour Party” said former shadow foreign secretary and twatfumbling cumblanket Hilary Benn. Continue reading

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Filed under Badgers, EU referendum, Independence referendum, Labour, News, Politics, Tony Blair

EC gives AA energy rating to beards


EC scientists claim Darwin was ‘carbon neutral’.

Facial hair could soon become compulsory, after Brussels tested a range of beards for energy efficiency.

Experts measured thermal insulation, wet performance and harmful emissions from a selection of chin enhancements, using a delapidated woman as a control.

“That was due to a translation error, but we stand by our results”, said depilatory scientist André Rhesus. “Even a frigid climate sceptic would recognise I’m much hotter with this stubble.”

While a Fu Manchu and a lip-clump only managed a ‘B’ rating, double-A was achieved by a full-on Brian Blessed.
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Filed under environment, Fashion, science, Technology

Councillor calls for ‘beard ban’ debate


Fun or mentalist?

The council should consider banning young men from wearing beards in public places such as schools, a local councillor has said.

It comes after a sensitive child was alarmed by a particularly bushy farmer, while out walking with the traditional ‘potato’.

Cllr Ron Ronsson suggested action might be needed to protect the freedom of choice for Harold boys, too young to decide for themselves whether they wanted to ‘grow the veil’.

“I think this is a good topic for debate”, said Ronsson, speaking out of his smooth face. “Although we won’t be able to hear what the beardies think because they all mumble.”
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Filed under Education, Fashion, Politics, Religion