The competence of the Labour Party has been questioned once again after it was announced that leadership hopefuls, Liz Kendall, Yvette Cooper and Andy Burnham had all withdrawn from the contest in favour of Andy Burnham, Yvette Cooper and Liz Kendall.
Driven by a combined fear that Jeremy Corbyn might have an outside chance of becoming the next Labour leader if someone didn’t step down from the contest, each of the prospective leaders fell upon their swords leaving the grizzled leftie a shoo-in for the leadership.
“It’s even worse than the Miliband debacle,” said one veteran Labour activist. “They’ve all pulled out and in seconds have collectively set the Party back by thirty five years without a single bacon roll in sight.”
“Whilst we were not surprised by Ms Cooper’s actions which were heavily influenced by her husband Ed Balls acting as her political advisor,” he continued, “we’re amazed that a strategist like Andy Burnham, who was main driver behind the Save the NHS campaign by ruining it during his tenure as Health Secretary, should be so daft.”
“We were certain Burnham was the best suited candidate to lead the Labour party to glorious defeat at the next election, but now it seems that Corbyn will have that honour.”
Labour has not had a truly left wing leader since the days of Michael Foot who was trampled by Margaret Thatcher in the early nineteen eighties. Donkey jackets retailers are said to be to be rubbing their hands with glee in anticipation of an upturn in sales.