Corbyn fails to rule out Dog Tax

Corbyn holds up an invisible dachshund.

Pundits have noted that Jeremy Corbyn failed to rule out a punitive dog tax during his keynote conference speech.

A dog tax, which would unfairly hit owners of dogs, is likely to be very unpopular amongst the dog owning community.

Throughout his time as prime minister, David Cameron has never once raised the prospect of punishing those with canine assets, although it wasn’t specifically ruled out in the Tory manifesto.

It’s unclear exactly how a dog tax would work: it could be based on weight, or some measure of their general twatty behaviour.

Simon Delaney, owner of Dongle, a springer spaniel, said he would like more details because his dog is an ‘absolute moron’ and that might make him expensive.

When asked for details, a Labour spokesman was evasive. “A dog tax? What the f**k are you talking about now? We’d no sooner tax dogs than impose a levy on a person’s proximity to cats.”

Nigel Thorvald, leader of Harold’s Viking Party, was far from satisfied. “It’s not what they say, but what they don’t say that’s the problem”, he claimed. “The election might be 33 dog years away, but if I owned a goldfish I’d be shitting myself now.”