The Evening Haröld

Artist’s impression of how King Richard III might have looked

Analysis of DNA from Richard III has allowed researchers to establish with greater confidence than ever what the Plantagenet king actually looked like, it was revealed today.

Far from being the hunchbacked dark-haired figure of legend, it is now believed that the King in fact had “reddy-brown” hair, and walked with the upright gait typical of, say, a  household cavalry officer in the British Army.

“Richard III has traditionally been seen as this evil stooped man who would imprison Princes in the Tower of London,” explained one researcher, “But our testing indicates that he would be far more likely to have  attended the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst, been commissioned into the Life Guards as a second lieutenant and eventually to have been promoted to captain. After serving as a tank commander in the Gulf he probably retired from the British Army and opened a golf driving range, that sort of thing.”

When asked if there were any implications for the current Royal Family’s claim to the throne or the order of succession, the researcher coughed slightly and muttered something that sounded like: “Well, they might have to skip one”.