‘An unforgettable experience’ warned a psychologist.
A ‘magical’ winter wonderland staged in Harold’s only abattoir has been closed by police after less than five minutes.
Families watched a bored elf draw on a woodbine as he fired a bolt into a pig’s brain. “That wasn’t very christmassy”, complained one parent. “Elves aren’t supposed to smoke.”
“The Santa looked jolly enough in his red clothes”, admitted PC Flegg, “if a little crazed. But the red came off on my skirt when I sat on his knee, along with a bit of kidney. And they hadn’t even wrapped the bag of chitterlings he gave me.”
Visitors had been promised there would be reindeer in attendance, but there was just three cows with table legs in their ears. And those managed to jam up the rotating knives.
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