Tag Archives: taxi

Shamed taxi driver admits talking to David Mellor


“See? Everyone likes me.”

London cabbie Brian Knowledge has spoken of his “shame” after being secretly recorded having a conversation with despised former Conservative cabinet minister David Mellor.

Mellor made the recording secretly and passed it to The Sun in an attempt to prove that there are still people alive prepared to talk to him.

In the recording the taxi driver can be heard asking Mr Mellor whether “he is doing anything nice for Christmas this year,” and sharing a joke at the expense of Arsenal Football Club.

Mellor told The Sun: “This man and I had a perfectly friendly chat, and he didn’t once laugh at me or call me an arsehole. They said it couldn’t be done.”

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Filed under Nostalgia, Sex, Sport

Andy Kaufman ‘found clocking minicabs in Harold’


Smile on passport photo was first clue something ‘wasn’t right’.

Cult entertainer Andy Kaufman has been discovered in Harold, following a raid on a minicab firm.

Once a star of hit sitcom ‘Taxi’ and inventor of inter-gender wrestling, Kaufman’s whereabouts has been the subject of much speculation. But when immigration officers surrounded Caspiar Cabs following a tip-off, they were suprised to find the actor still in character beneath a 2003 Toyota Avensis.

“We received an anonymous call through the immigration hotline, claiming a ‘foreign man’ had been clocking cars”, explained PC Flegg. “But for some reason, this buffoon had been clocking them forwards: some of the minicabs were showing over 4 million miles.”

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Filed under Crime, Entertainment

Sebastian Vettel wins fourth F1 title; local taxi driver unimpressed


He doesn’t mind racing in countries with human rights issues, but he won’t race south of the river

Following Sebastian Vettel’s fourth Formula 1 world championship win in India, a local taxi driver has launched a scathing attack on the German saying “driving round in circles in a 200mph car is easy, he should try the M25 on a Friday lunchtime in a Ford Mondeo filled with a fragranced cloud of Magic Tree vanilla.”

Claiming he could do better with his eyes closed, Tommy Alwright from Harold continued his verbal assassination of Vettel’s achievement by comparing the standard of conversation each driving professional has to endure.

“If all I had to do was get from one place to another with someone telling me my tyres are okay and that I just need to go round again, life for this ‘real’ driver would be a piece of piss. But you get Christian Horner to ask him if he’s been busy at the beginning of every lap and see how long it is before he cracks.”

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Filed under Around Harold, News, Sport