Following Sebastian Vettel’s fourth Formula 1 world championship win in India, a local taxi driver has launched a scathing attack on the German saying “driving round in circles in a 200mph car is easy, he should try the M25 on a Friday lunchtime in a Ford Mondeo filled with a fragranced cloud of Magic Tree vanilla.”
Claiming he could do better with his eyes closed, Tommy Alwright from Harold continued his verbal assassination of Vettel’s achievement by comparing the standard of conversation each driving professional has to endure.
“If all I had to do was get from one place to another with someone telling me my tyres are okay and that I just need to go round again, life for this ‘real’ driver would be a piece of piss. But you get Christian Horner to ask him if he’s been busy at the beginning of every lap and see how long it is before he cracks.”
When asked how he would cope with the pressure of the world’s media and the millions of fans, Mr Alwright laughed.
“That’s not real pressure, especially when you are being paid millions of pounds a year. No, real pressure is having to listen to talksport all day and uphold the tradition of spouting casual racism for 30p a mile. I actually don’t mind immigrants. I think they help the economy and there’s s always room for more taxi drivers, but that’s not what people want to hear, is it?”
Sebastian Vettel has taken the attack in his stride, and even found himself agreeing with many of the cabby’s points.
“I only have to work a few hours a week and get to visit Brazil, Japan, Italy and Monaco. He has to wait around for hours only to be rewarded with a trip to Dunstable.
“Not just that, but it takes a driver with a lot of balls to get lost, drive around aimlessly for 15 minutes and then ask directions, ignoring the perfectly good sat-nav on the dashboard.”