Cult entertainer Andy Kaufman has been discovered in Harold, following a raid on a minicab firm.
Once a star of hit sitcom ‘Taxi’ and inventor of inter-gender wrestling, Kaufman’s whereabouts has been the subject of much speculation. But when immigration officers surrounded Caspiar Cabs following a tip-off, they were suprised to find the actor still in character beneath a 2003 Toyota Avensis.
“We received an anonymous call through the immigration hotline, claiming a ‘foreign man’ had been clocking cars”, explained PC Flegg. “But for some reason, this buffoon had been clocking them forwards: some of the minicabs were showing over 4 million miles.”
Once the suspect had been dragged out and persuaded to stop singing Elvis, he claimed his name was ‘Latka Gravas and started bumbling around’, according to Flegg.
“That might have been endearing in the ’70s but nowadays it makes us think ‘terrorist’. We had no choice but to taser his face.”
The suspect was questioned for 48 hours by officers, who were frustrated by inconsistencies in his story. But when he produced a death certificate dating from 1984, they realised they had no choice but to let him go.
“We’re still convinced he’s alive, but his paperwork was in order”, said Flegg. “So despite his protests, we gave him a full burial with all the trimmings.”
Flegg admitted that if the man really was Andy Kaufman, she admired his commitment to staying in character.
“As the last shovel of soil hit the coffin and the vicar rounded off with some niceties, I’m sure I heard him mutter ‘T’ank you veddy much’.”