Category Archives: Entertainment

Disgust as BBC fails to mention the war for a bit

war family

What did you do during the war programme, daddy?

Complaints have flooded in to the BBC website, after it was revealed that the war wasn’t mentioned for nearly a whole afternoon.

Despite Britain being in Europe and us All Being Friends Now, it’s generally accepted that the Nazi Menace should be dwelled upon on at least every hour and more often at weekends.

“I was appalled”, revealed local pensioner Doris Kettle. “I rely on the BBC’s Rolling Old News Channel for some comfort in these unthreatening times. But then last Thursday, they didn’t so much as a mention rationing or them brainboxes in Bletchley. They should warn us if they’re not going to do that: I assumed the war had restarted.”

Doris was eventually tracked down to a corrugated structure in her garden and calmed by relatives who coaxed her out with a banana and an old tin of ham. But that wasn’t before she’d blacked out her windows, killed her pets and reported her neighbour for being a Trotskyist agitator.
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Spoiler Alert! I’m a Celeb 2013 – The Full Jungle List

celebLeaked information from ITV HQ had revealed the list of Wannabes and Has-beens competing for the title of “I’m Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here 2013”.

It promises to be a fiery fortnight with a number of the celebs having publically fallen out big time in recent months. In addition all the old favourite ingredients are included with bikini totty, beefcake and the usual veteran DJ, just about the only one who isn’t awaiting trial somewhere.

No expense has been spared in ensuring that the jungle contains the names you want to see – as well as several you’ve never heard of.

The List in Full: Continue reading

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Glastonbury sells out! Also, all the tickets have been bought

Cliff

Cliff Richard’s songs ‘a delight to clap along to’ confirmed Eavis.

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Couple take attempt to avoid Breaking Bad spoilers a bit far

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We understand. If anyone ruins it for us we will cut them.

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‘Being black’s holding me back’ says one of the richest self-made men in the world

This isn't photoshop. This is thing that happened.

What if it’s not racism? What if he’s just an arse?

Sometime rapper and full-time egomaniac Kanye West has claimed in an interview for BBC Radio One that being black is holding him back despite being a self-made man worth an estimated £100m, with yearly earnings of £20m and music sales that have seen him become the sixth best-selling solo artist of all time.

West’s snit was prompted by the fact that he feels disrespected as a designer of trainers and his being told by one designer at Paris Fashion Week that if wanted to attend their show he shouldn’t attend others. Continue reading

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Barrymore ponders ‘dark’ TV return

Too soon?

Too soon?

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Amy Winehouse denies she is addicted to death

I can give up death at any time

I can give up death at any time

On what would have been her 30th birthday, deceased singer Amy Winehouse angrily denied that she is addicted to death.

In a statement issued through her publicist and medium, Winehouse said she was more of a social corpse, and she could give up death at any time.

“They said I couldn’t give up the drink and drugs but I proved them all wrong – I haven’t touched a drop of whiskey or line of coke for over two years” said Winehouse.

“Death is not causing me any problems, if anything my skin has improved. But I’m being careful to do death in moderation, and only when I have company around.”
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MacTaggart Lecture: Kevin Spacey says TV has entered “a third golden age”

Do you want to tell him about this or shall we?

Do you want to tell him about this or shall we?

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Family to release holiday video ‘straight to Netflix’

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With modern technology changing our viewing habits, the Jeffery family from Harold have made the decision to release this year’s holiday video straight to Netflix.

“Over the years, people are showing less and less interest in viewing the ‘Jeffery Family Holiday’ video at the scheduled broadcast time” Ms Jeffery explained.

“At first I thought they were trying to send us a hint that maybe they weren’t that interested, but after a bit of research I found out most people like to view things on demand now. That explains why nobody turned up last year, or the year before that.”
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Film fan backlash as reviewer asks for £500,000 for socks and cake

SF McCrossin on his way to another film

SF McCrossin on his way to another film

Film fans have reacted with fury as local reviewer and self-proclaimed ‘Top Nerd’ S.F McCrossin has asked fans to contribute £500,000 to his Kickstarter campaign. McCrossin has failed to provide a breakdown of where this money would be spent leading to the widespread belief that he will spend it all on socks and cake.

McCrossin has long been notorious in film geek circles for his website Isn’t It Lovely.com on which he gives outstanding reviews to the most mediocre of films in exchange for presents from film makers and studios or as he likes to put it ‘gifty-wifties’. Continue reading

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CIA confirm Area 51 exists: speculation that aliens walk among us rises

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by | August 17, 2013 · 2:30 pm

Jeremy Paxman and Jeremy Kyle swap places in latest ‘TV mash-up’

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Following in the footstep of ‘8 out of 10 cats’ and ‘Countdown’, the BBC and ITV have joined forces to bring us the ultimate ‘mash-up programmes’. In aid of comic relief, Jeremy Paxman and Jeremy Kyle have swapped places for a day and recorded each others shows

‘The Jeremy Paxman show’ saw the newly-bearded presenter take on some of society’s more special examples of guests, but without the use of lie detectors, DNA tests and security guards. Whilst over on BBC2’s ‘Newsnight’,, Kyle grilled the politicians in the days news using his usual tools to break them down, before offering them counseling with his aftercare team.
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World Athletics shock: The Queen thinks National Anthem is ‘a bit shit’

queenhits

Queen ‘may form one’s own band’ to record new anthem

Buckingham Palace confirmed today that the Queen has commissioned a new National Anthem following Mo Farah’s medal ceremony in Moscow. “Enough is enough!” she stormed as the tune’s last notes faded away in Moscow, throwing her hat across the room at the TV but hitting a sleeping Corgi instead.

“Do you know how often one’s heard that dirge?” the rant continued “At least 78,532 bloody times! Ronnie Biggs only got 30 years and then got out early, the crafty sod. But it’s over 60 years with no musical parole in sight for ER2. Doesn’t this breach one’s human-rights? We objected to the yanks playing the same thing over & over to their Guantanamo guests didn’t we? Mind you, that was Metallica.”

“One will tell you what though. If Brian May gets himself up on the Palace roof again and even thinks about playing it, Philip will definitely give him both barrels. It was all one could do to stop him last time.”
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Doctor Who announcement: BBC lose rights to BT

20130804-061149.jpgWith the impending retirement of Matt Smith as Doctor Who, the BBC have commissioned a special, one-off programme to be aired this evening that will announce they have lost the broadcast rights to the cult sci-fi classic.

Following in the footsteps of football, rugby and MotoGP, in-depth coverage of the time-lord’s antics will be fronted by Jake Humphrey on BT’s new television channel.

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