What did you do during the war programme, daddy?
Complaints have flooded in to the BBC website, after it was revealed that the war wasn’t mentioned for nearly a whole afternoon.
Despite Britain being in Europe and us All Being Friends Now, it’s generally accepted that the Nazi Menace should be dwelled upon on at least every hour and more often at weekends.
“I was appalled”, revealed local pensioner Doris Kettle. “I rely on the BBC’s Rolling Old News Channel for some comfort in these unthreatening times. But then last Thursday, they didn’t so much as a mention rationing or them brainboxes in Bletchley. They should warn us if they’re not going to do that: I assumed the war had restarted.”
Doris was eventually tracked down to a corrugated structure in her garden and calmed by relatives who coaxed her out with a banana and an old tin of ham. But that wasn’t before she’d blacked out her windows, killed her pets and reported her neighbour for being a Trotskyist agitator.
A spokesman for the BBC apologised for the oversight, but insisted that scenes of death-camps, blitzkriegs and air raids were readily available on the corporation’s iPlayer.
“Obviously we’re a public service broadcaster”, explained Brian Hodges of the BBC’s Digital and War Graves Commission. “We would never bang on and on endlessly, sometimes on three channels at a time and a special on the red button, just because people like looking at tanks.”
Hodges vowed to make amends for the oversight, and promised to run back-to-back documentaries all weekend about plucky pigeons, land girls and an interview with a man so old he can barely remember where his feet are.
“It’s important that we never forget”, explained Hodges, “how much better than the Frogs and Krauts we all are.”
The BBC is currently planning a sequel to the war, once News 24 has goaded Britain into invading Syria by repeatedly showing the image of a gassed orphan.
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