Category Archives: Holidays

Daily Mail demands cut-price summer BBQs, as well as holidays

There’s a big demand for these chops so you can have one at half-price

Well-known free market critic, the Daily Mail, has called on the government to cap the cost of BBQs in warm weather.

Inspired by the story of Jon Platt, who rejects the laws of supply and demand when they increase his holiday costs, the Mail is expanding its campaign for discount-price holidays during peak periods, to include other seasonal goods and services.

“Retailers ‘somehow’ manage to sell a Weber Genesis E330 BBQ for £700 in January” whined Sarah Vine, who used to be a journalist, “but barely three months later, the sun comes out and they’re all ‘It’s £1,599 take it or leave it’. It must be Jeremy Corbyn’s Continue reading

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Filed under Holidays, News

April Fool story pranks Evening Harold readers – pranks them real good

There were red faces and some ‘lolz’ up and down Harold High Street when it emerged that many readers had been taken in by one of our April fool stories – but did you spot it?

Residents awoke to a straight-faced article on the business pages of our off-line version that explained how Mexican regulators had given the go ahead for the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China (ICBC) to take a ‘significant’ share of the local operations of Grupo Financiero Banorte, S.A.B. de C.V., (Banorte), one of the big four Mexican commercial banks.

But the joke was on them, because nothing of the sort had happened, and it appears many readers believed the story, answering “yes” when asked if they believed the story.
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Filed under 29/9 attrocities, Business, Crime, Hoildays, Holidays, idiots, Society

Crowd at Catholic terrorist burning devastated to find it wasn’t Tony Blair

The crowd makes their displeasure known

The crowd makes their displeasure known

An advertised burning of a Catholic terrorist turned ugly when it dawned on the crowd it wasn’t Tony Blair being burnt.

An expectant crowd gathered at Harold Common on the night of 5 November after seeing signs around the village advertising ‘Catholic terrorist burning’, with people travelling from as far as Dunstable and Felching to ‘see the bastard off’.
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Filed under Around Harold, Holidays

Parents claim victory after travel firms quadruple prices in term time

Communism in action

A consortium of concerned parents has claimed a moral victory after the proven legality of term-time holidays caused travel firms to immediately quadruple their non-holiday prices to cash in on the massive demand.

“We’ve always said it’s a scandal that travel costs in the holidays are raised artificially to exploit parents,” explained Ron Pratt, who refused to pay a £60 fine for taking his children to Florida, causing local authority to take him to court.

After the High Court found that there was actually nothing illegal in taking children on term-time holidays, the major travel companies have taken only days to massively raise their prices for the rest of the year.

“Now prices are the same all year round,” trumpeted a jubilant Pratt. “Instead of being forced to pay an undeserved £60 fine, I now have the right to pay £2500 more to go to Florida in September.” Continue reading

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Filed under Education, Holidays, News

Ofcom investgate proliferation of “reclaim your term time holiday fine” cold calls to parents

jon_platt

£120 – that’s the deposit on this year’s holiday, cheers!

After the landmark high court ruling that there was no case to answer for a parent who refused to pay his £120 term time holiday fine, flagging PPI claims companies have shifted their greed from the financially ignorant to self-righteous middle class parents.

Parents who took kids out of school and hid behind the thinly veiled argument that it was better for “Jocasta and Tarquin to experience a different culture and language”, whist taking them to Disneyland or skiing for 2 weeks, can now relax and simply admit the truth : they wanted to save a few quid on a holiday. Continue reading

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Filed under Education, Families, Holidays, News

Hijacker photo man in ‘reckless’ Trump campaign team selfie

trump innes

Could explode at any moment

The man who posed for a picture with a hijacker has been criticised for his latest dangerous stunt – getting a selfie only metres away from Donald Trump’s campaign team.

The original image of Ben Innes grinning next to his captor on the Egyptair flight went viral on social media, leading Innes to seek “even more risky challenges”, he told journalists.

Innes reportedly travelled to Wisconsin, where the Republican candidates are campaigning ahead of next Tuesday’s primary, and took advantage of a lull in the vitriol to leap in front of Donald Trump’s team and take a selfie.

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Filed under Holidays, News, Social media

Staff, classmates, swear oath never to share secret of long division with Disneyland absentees

Term time Disney - as empty as her education.

Term time Disney – as empty as her education.

Children returning to school after term-time trips abroad could face a wall of silence around work they have missed while taking advantage of cheaper fares.

That’s the recommendation of teachers who see fines as ineffective against low- and middle-income parents who believe they have a right to go on discounted vacations in June that they couldn’t have afforded at summer market prices.

“Parents may think their children can catch up, or get the worksheets they missed – but if these measures are introduced, they will not even be informed what topics were covered while they were away. They won’t even know there is a 7-times table,” warned Carly Jeffery, assistant teacher at St. Mary’s primary school. Continue reading

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Filed under 29/9 attrocities, Children, Education, Holidays, Law and Order, News, Politics, Tourism, Travel

Family spent entire self-catering break reading local attractions literature

chimp

Some smart-a*se will tell us it’s a chimp not a monkey but they have them at Monkkey World.

The Gates family love backpacking in the far-east but recently returned from a long weekend in a Cumbrian cottage, where they never went further than the dustbin.

“The quantity and quality of the tourist attractions was amazing. If the brochures were anything to go by.” said Gill, manager of Lacrymans & Co estate agents in Harold.

“We spent Friday and Saturday sorting them into sunny day/rainy day piles and Sunday weeding out duplicates.” added husband Alex “There were no fewer than 147 separate tri-fold A4 pages on Bovington Tank Museum alone.” Continue reading

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Filed under Around Harold, Holidays, Tourism, Travel

Holidaying in Greece? Don’t miss this handy Q&A!

greece riot

The cheap flights make it all worth while.

Harold’s very own armchair globe trotter, Elsie Duggan, offers advice to tourists heading to Greece. Just because she hasn’t been somewhere, doesn’t mean she doesn’t have an opinion.

Dear Elsie,

I’ve read that people in Greece are suffering real hardship. Can you catch poverty from touching a foreigner? C Clarkson, Harold

Elsie replies: I don’t doubt it. I knew someone once who touched a Hungarian by accident, and now they live in a skip. Take some wet wipes, and remember to rub yourself down with some money.

Dear Elsie,

There have been reports that shops are running out of some essentials. Will I still be able to buy chips? D Evans, Harold

Elsie replies: Bloody soggy things they’ll be no doubt, and not enough of them. And do you know what they have on them? Not gravy or ketchup like nice people. Crab spit. Maureen told me that, she said she read it in the paper.
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Filed under Greek bail-out, Holidays