The schedule going back three months was leaked by an unknown White House staffer, and reveals that all but 30 minutes of Mr Trump’s days are spent in ‘Executive Time’, which is apparently code for extended sessions where dedicated teams work in relays layering thick coats of deep orange resins and semi-gloss varnishes to the Presidential face.
In response to the report, White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders wrote that a “more creative environment” had “helped make Mr Trump the most productive president in modern history”.
“While other Presidents wasted their days making laws and working with people, Mr Trump is lying tirelessly in the Executive Hammock being painted orange.”
“It’s exhausting for him. I’ve seen him at the end of the day – the poor man is well and truly lacquered.”
Defiant attorney general Sally Yates claims that whilst she was neutral on her stance about travel restrictions for some Muslim nationals, the reason that she was sacked was purely footwear related.
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