Trump closes US borders to witches to stop them hunting him

Point to someone who’s about to get impeached, Donnie

Donald Trump, the least credible politician since Caligulia’s horse, Incitatus*, claimed during a series of tweets that he is the victim of “the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history!” and as such is closing the borders to witches from all countries.

“Witches are bad, very bad, ok!” the living embodiment of shit rising to the top wrote. “They are hunting me in a yuge witch hunt paid for by Obama and organised by Crooked Hillary to discredit me, the best and most popular President of all time. Sad!”

He went onto tweet that witches are “terrible, terrible people, seriously the worst” and that he would be taking briefings on potential US invasions of Narnia, Lancre and Miss Cackle’s Academy for Witches later on today.

He added that Russian witches are still welcome in the US and that there was “no reason or bare-chested men called Vlad” behind this decision.


*everyone knows about the horse but knowing its name is the kind of thing that wins you pub quizzes. You’re welcome.

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