Tag Archives: global warming

Comedy change scientists say winter ‘global warming’ jokes at historical high

'And they call this global warming'

‘And they call this global warming’

Researchers at the Harold Institute of Comedy Studies have released a study showing that jokes about global warming during bouts of freezing cold and wet weather have reached dangerous levels.

Professor Al Jones, who specialises in comedy change, set up instruments throughout the UK to detect winter global warming jokes, and the results show clear evidence of a man-made comedy catastrophe.
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Filed under Around Harold, environment

Global warming blamed for Britain’s clean beaches

beach

Worryingly clean: Families fear they may soon enjoy UK holidays

A shocking rise in the number of UK beaches that have become ‘clean enough to holiday on’ is being blamed on man-made global warming.

With dryer, warmer summers leading to less run-off into coastal areas, some families fear they could soon find themselves vacationing in Rhyl.

“It’s a vicious circle”, complained David Evans, occasional holidayer and amateur climatologist. “Our carbon emissions seem to be causing ever more barbecues on the beach. I don’t want to alarm you unnecessarily, but I’ve drawn a graph to show the trend. By 2020, even Blackpool could be largely turd-free.”
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Filed under science, Weather

Global warming blamed for unseasonably early appearance of caravans

Will the world end with a Sprite Deluxe Tourer?

Will the world end with a Sprite Deluxe Tourer?

Despite intensive storms, coastal erosion and record flooding, the average British citizen had been ambivalent to the threat of climate change until last weekend.

However, the full horror of global warming has come closer to home after scientists confirmed that the weekend’s early clogging of Britain’s road network by caravans was ‘almost certainly due’ to the effects of global warming. Continue reading

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Filed under environment, News, science

Global warming is forcing polar bears to drive buses in Scotland

Polar Bear bus driverDriven by the threat of the melting Arctic ice cap, beleaguered polar bears are being forced to abandon their natural habitat and adapt to new environments.

Many of the highly intelligent creatures have migrated to North America where, after a quick makeover, they are integrating into the native Brown and Grizzly Bear population. Others, as they head south, are finding themselves on the shores of Scotland where they are quickly settling into local communities.

The bears seem to have been able to slip into the country with little difficulty. “Poles, polar bears, and Romanians. They’re all the same as far as I’m concerned,” said one immigration official. “If they’re white, hairy and speak unintelligibly, they have to be allowed in.” Continue reading

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Filed under environment, Nature, News

Local simpleton claims flooding ’caused by rain’

rain

Idiot also blamed avalanches on snow.

An idiot has been ridiculed by politicians from all parties for suggesting a link between rainfall and flooding.

Notorious mouth-breather Jeremy Hostage made the howler at an emergency council meeting, set up to discuss how to combine flood defences with witch hunts.

“Eddie of the Pagan Party had just claimed that the badger cull was to blame”, said Cllr Ron Ronnson. “He produced some pretty convincing data that this had angered Agrona, the goddess of slaughter. According to Eddie she’s ‘besties’ with Addanc the Primordial Giant, so he surfed here from his home on the Lake of Waves and punished us with floods and damp sofas.”

Nigel Forage of the Bigot Party condemned Eddie as a heathen, and explained that a lesbian wedding was more likely to blame. Ron Ronnson dismissed this theory as ‘nonsense’ but didn’t completely rule out snogging Forage, to see if either of them got wet.
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Filed under Around Harold, Badgers, environment, Pagans

As UN report proves global warming exists, Daily Mail asks ‘why does it still snow?’

20130927-124008.jpg

With the influential report from the UN climate panel giving the strongest suggestion yet that climate change is a reality, the Daily Mail has rubbished the evidence saying it refuses to answer the key question, why does it still snow.

“We accept that this paper is one of the most peer reviewed in history” the Daily Mail’s Paul Dacre said. “And it has been written by hundreds of different scientists using experiments and data that are indisputable, but last week we had to put the central heating on. In September for God’s sake”
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Filed under Nature, News, Politics