Global warming is forcing polar bears to drive buses in Scotland

Polar Bear bus driverDriven by the threat of the melting Arctic ice cap, beleaguered polar bears are being forced to abandon their natural habitat and adapt to new environments.

Many of the highly intelligent creatures have migrated to North America where, after a quick makeover, they are integrating into the native Brown and Grizzly Bear population. Others, as they head south, are finding themselves on the shores of Scotland where they are quickly settling into local communities.

The bears seem to have been able to slip into the country with little difficulty. “Poles, polar bears, and Romanians. They’re all the same as far as I’m concerned,” said one immigration official. “If they’re white, hairy and speak unintelligibly, they have to be allowed in.”

“The bears seem very grumpy but, I must say they have a great work ethic,” he continued. “One of the bears has already landed a job here at the port clearing the bins. The great thing is that he eats most of the contents, so that gives our green credentials a real boost.”

 Although bears are shy creatures, one was prepared to give an interview. Dave Mint (as we will call him to protect his identity) is married to local lass and has found employment driving a bus in Glasgow.

“Only five years ago I was frolicking in the snow for David Attenborough and now I’m here driving the No. 67 around the city,” Mr Mint told our reporter, adding, “but that’s evolution for you.”

“The bus company assumed that I was Polish so I would know how to drive a bus, but it didn’t take too long to work it out. I’ve got the best record in the company for fare collection,” he said proudly. “Many passengers don’t even wait for change when they see me.”

So are polar bears the only creatures to successfully integrate into the community?

“No of course not,” said Dave, “there are a number of sloths working in local government and I’ve seen loads of gorillas working as bouncers in the local night clubs.”

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One Response to Global warming is forcing polar bears to drive buses in Scotland

  1. saltire2

    Dave Mint ? Any relation to Murray Mint the Edinburgh Academicals loose head prop ?