Tag Archives: Charlie Hebdo

Police seek details of Evening Harold readers


Off to kick down the door of an elderly church warden who subscribes to Private Eye

PC Flegg has been going around the village taking the details of our readers. Haroldites are being asked to provide her with their names and addresses and information such as whether or not they’ve got a copy of Charlie Hebdo in the house and if they’ve ever watched Charlie Brooker’s Weekly Wipe.

“Counter terrorism!” PC Flegg yelled when we cautiously approached her. “Following recent incidents I’m assessing community tensions and providing reassurance.” Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Around Harold, News

WARNING: Some may find this image disturbing

Following news events over the last few days, we have decided to publish a picture that some may find controversial. We do it defiance of those who try to break us, in defiance of those who are desperate to force change upon us, and in defiance of those who wish to devalue our traditions.

creme egg

Cadbury, leave our Creme Eggs alone.

Comments Off on WARNING: Some may find this image disturbing

Filed under Culture, Easter, International News, Law and Order, News, Uncategorized

Frosty reception for Saudi snowmen.

Saudi cleric Sheikh Mohammed Saleh al-Munajjid has issued a ban on the building of snowmen in the north of the country following the appearance overnight of a 3 foot tall icy effigy of the Prophet Mohammed.

In a statement the cleric declared that to m
ake statues in the form of any human was sinful, but to make one that looks a bit like how they imagine someone who lived 1400 odd years ago but of whom, not surprisingly, no pictures exist in a medium that doesn’t really lend itself to accurate depictions of facial features; particularly eye colour, skin tone and general beard scraggliness; was not only highly blasphemous, but also quite silly.

Snowhere to hide

Photo for satirical purposes only. Any resemblance to religious figures living or dead is purely coincidental.

Saudi riot police were despatched to the area where they set about smashing up, shooting and beheading all the offending snow demons and arresting groups of small children armed with an array of deadly bobble hats, scarves and woolly mittens.

Police eventually managed to restore order by arresting the ringleader, a jolly happy soul with a corn cob pipe and a button nose and two eyes made out of coal following a brief shootout at the offices of a French Santarist magazine.

Comments Off on Frosty reception for Saudi snowmen.

Filed under Badgers, Christmas, ice, Law and Order, Police, Religion, Uncategorized, War, Weather

Moderate cat ladies urged to condemn extremist cat ladies

Cat ladyAfter days of terror where gangs of cats peed in neighbour’s gardens and bailed up dogs while the cats owners chanted ‘cats are great!’, moderate cat ladies have been urged to condemn extremist cat ladies.

The attacks seemed to be in retaliation to an unflattering depiction of a cat in the latest issue of the Harold Kennel Club’s monthly magazine, but most villagers say a poorly drawn cat by a dog owner can never be an excuse for a feline rampage.
Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under Around Harold, breaking news, Law and Order

Rupert Murdoch ‘must be held responsible’ for Rupert Murdoch world says.

imageFollowing his tweet suggesting all Muslims must be held responsible for jihadists, the world has responded saying Rupert Murdoch should be held responsible for Rupert Murdoch.

“An ancient ideology, with extremist views that are not comparable with a modern progressive society”, is how one commentator described Mr Murdoch.
Continue reading

Comments Off on Rupert Murdoch ‘must be held responsible’ for Rupert Murdoch world says.

Filed under News, Politics