Tag Archives: cleric

Radical cleric thinks of something nice to say


Little ray of sunshine – Choudary takes jollity to extremes.

A radical cleric, who’s job is to think so that others don’t have to, has finally thought of something nice to say.

“I’m tweeting like a happy robin, the weather is beautiful today”, wrote extremist Anjem Choudary. “It’s the sort of day that makes you feel glad to be alive, and to contemplate allowing others to remain so.”

Little is known about the cause of Choudary’s uncharacteristic outburst, but there are rumours that he read a syrupy Facebook meme.

“If you can’t think of something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”, he told his followers. “I’m going to say one lovely thing a day for the whole of this week.”
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Filed under Politics, Social media

Frosty reception for Saudi snowmen.

Saudi cleric Sheikh Mohammed Saleh al-Munajjid has issued a ban on the building of snowmen in the north of the country following the appearance overnight of a 3 foot tall icy effigy of the Prophet Mohammed.

In a statement the cleric declared that to m
ake statues in the form of any human was sinful, but to make one that looks a bit like how they imagine someone who lived 1400 odd years ago but of whom, not surprisingly, no pictures exist in a medium that doesn’t really lend itself to accurate depictions of facial features; particularly eye colour, skin tone and general beard scraggliness; was not only highly blasphemous, but also quite silly.

Snowhere to hide

Photo for satirical purposes only. Any resemblance to religious figures living or dead is purely coincidental.

Saudi riot police were despatched to the area where they set about smashing up, shooting and beheading all the offending snow demons and arresting groups of small children armed with an array of deadly bobble hats, scarves and woolly mittens.

Police eventually managed to restore order by arresting the ringleader, a jolly happy soul with a corn cob pipe and a button nose and two eyes made out of coal following a brief shootout at the offices of a French Santarist magazine.

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Filed under Badgers, Christmas, ice, Law and Order, Police, Religion, Uncategorized, War, Weather

Hardline blacksmith calls for rule by ‘Farrier Law’


Justice on the hoof

Radical blacksmith and part-time Viking Nigel Thorvald has called for the introduction of ‘Farrier Law’ to Harold, to tackle what he regards as a ‘shocking decline in morals’ and a lurch away from ‘Justice by Warm Ironmongery’.

Harold’s viking community keeps itself largely to itself, apart from on official pillage days, or during the annual dragon boat race.

But with a growing lack of respect for elders and rising teen pregnancy rates amongst his daughters Oslo, Freyja and Maureen, Thorvald believes that the wider society needs a ‘more medieval’ approach to law enforcement.
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Filed under News, Vikings