Tag Archives: Prince Philip
HM Queen ‘to take back control of Parliament’
“It seems obvious that when we’re talking Sovereignty, the Monarch should be the final arbiter,” said landlord Eddie on behalf of Harold’s informal polling group IMHO.
The group meets regularly to discuss global issues while drinking alcohol. At last night’s meeting in the Squirrel Lickers Arms, chaired by landlord Eddie Grudgingly, IMHO voted overwhelmingly to back a motion in support of a Royal Prerogative on Brexit.
“After all, there’s a fair bit of German in her blood and the Duke’s quite Greek,” said Eddie, “so they have a better understanding of Europe than far-right loudmouths in parts of Lincolnshire and the Tory Party.”
It was decided that a People’s Vote would be a waste of time, because everyone’s changed their minds, so the result would be the same as last time.
The group also supported a motion of praise for Prince Philip’s ability to survive an actual car crash much better than the Prime Minister fared in her metaphorical one.
“And the Duke,” said Eddie, winding up the debate, “is now single-handedly saving hundreds of jobs at Jaguar Land Rover with his recent order for a weekly fleet of new cars. He’s doing more for the British motor industry than Greg Clark and that’s a fact.”
As the meeting adjourned, members of the political focus group thanked Eddie for another well-organised piss-up in his pub, which everyone agreed was a rare talent these days.
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Filed under Around Harold, Brexit, Business, Europe, Greek bail-out, Politics, Royals
Queen orders newly retired Prince Philip a shed to get him out from under her feet
Alarmed at no longer being able to simply dispatch her husband to go and open a badger sanctuary whenever he starts getting on the royal tits, the Queen has spent some of our money on buying him a shed to sit in. Continue reading
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Filed under Royals
‘Prince Philip not nearly racist enough for knighthood’, complain Australians
“His affable, good-natured brand of racism is all talk and no action”, said Shane from Brisbane. “As far as I know Philip’s never even lightly toasted an Aborigine, let alone grilled one on the barbie.”
Filed under International News, Royals
Chaos as Queen inadvertently reads UKIP speech handed to her by Prince Philip
There were murmurs in the Lords almost immediately as the Queen uttered the words “My Government will get out of Europe by teatime.” These turned to mutterings and looks of surprise as she announced the immediate closure of the Channel Ports and the Tunnel.
By the time she had announced that Scottish Independence would be encouraged by offering Ulster as a going away present to the “ungrateful bastards”, it was clear that something was amiss. Continue reading
Prince Philip to have tea with the Pope: menu includes cake and casual racism
It should have been a pleasant occasion, two amiable old pensioners, who both believe in God, massive wealth, splendid ceremonial outfits and the undemocratic retention of power, sharing a pot of Earl Grey and a bit of gossip. Unfortunately it has been announced that Prince Philip will be accompanying the Queen to her meeting with Pope Francis at the Vatican this afternoon.
Diana death probe: Elvis emerges as prime suspect
In what will be seen as an embarrassment to the original investigating officers, it appears that obvious clues were missed such as a 70s jumpsuit, a tub of brylcreem, and 15 jars of peanut butter. A re-examination of CCTV evidence showed that a street sweeper known only as “Sivle” smeared a brylcreem and peanut butter concoction at the entrance of the tunnel causing Diana’s vehicle to slide uncontrollably and then crash.
Filed under 29/9 attrocities, International News, Royals
Duke of South Africa seriously ill in hospital
Nelson Mandela, the 94 year old Greek-born Duke of South Africa, is once again in hospital with a serious lung infection. South Africans are holding their breath, worried that the pivotal figure in their nation’s history may not be around too much longer.
Mandela, the ex-consort of mother of the nation Winnie Mandela, has always loyally supported his wives and diligently carried out both official and charity engagements. But he has really endeared himself to the public by showing his human side with frequent gaffes, and by being a little bit racist.
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Filed under International News, Royals
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