Tag Archives: Elvis

Tom Cruise set to play title role in new Elvis Presley biopic

The King hears the news and weeps

The King hears the news and weeps

Following fevered speculation, it has been announced that Tom Cruise, the half pint sized, Hollywood legend has signed to play the part of Elvis Presley when filming of the new biopic ‘Suspicious Minds’ starts in the autumn.

News of his casting is certain to cause a backlash of indignation amongst fans of ‘The King’ but it is believed producers were swayed by his excellent miming performance in the movie ‘Rock of Ages’ and the fact that he can supply all of his own wigs.

Continue reading


Filed under News, Showbusiness

Church to offer ‘Vegas-style weddings’, swapping Elvis for Cliff Richard


A local Church has decided to start offering Vegas-style weddings in a bid to increase tourism levels in the village of Harold, but instead of Elvis performing the ceremony, there will be a distinctively British feel with the Vicar dressing up as Cliff Richard.

“I was on holiday in Vegas in the summer and was amazed at the amount of chapels offering people the chance to be married by an Elvis impersonator,” Reverend Tansy Forster explained.

“So I thought ‘what us the closest thing we have to Elvis?’ and Sir Cliff seemed like the obvious answer. Continue reading

Comments Off on Church to offer ‘Vegas-style weddings’, swapping Elvis for Cliff Richard

Filed under Culture, From the Vicarage, News, Religion

Diana death probe: Elvis emerges as prime suspect

Elvis after eating the evidence

Elvis after eating the evidence

Sensational evidence has emerged that Elvis Presley was responsible for the death of Princess Diana, and that his paymasters were big pharmaceutical companies eager to silence Diana’s views on conventional medicine.

In what will be seen as an embarrassment to the original investigating officers, it appears that obvious clues were missed such as a 70s jumpsuit, a tub of brylcreem, and 15 jars of peanut butter. A re-examination of CCTV evidence showed that a street sweeper known only as “Sivle” smeared a brylcreem and peanut butter concoction at the entrance of the tunnel causing Diana’s vehicle to slide uncontrollably and then crash.
Continue reading

1 Comment

Filed under 29/9 attrocities, International News, Royals