Chaos as Queen inadvertently reads UKIP speech handed to her by Prince Philip

Let them eat fruitcake

Let them eat fruitcake

There was uproar at Westminster this morning after the Queen read out a list of half-baked UKIP policies instead of the expected zombie speech from the Coalition Government.

There were murmurs in the Lords almost immediately as the Queen uttered the words “My Government will get out of Europe by teatime.” These turned to mutterings and looks of surprise as she announced the immediate closure of the Channel Ports and the Tunnel.

By the time she had announced that Scottish Independence would be encouraged by offering Ulster as a going away present to the “ungrateful bastards”, it was clear that something was amiss.

Nevertheless, Her Majesty is a real trooper and although she hesitated over the pledge that the BBC would bring back ‘The Black & White Minstrel Show’, she Queenfully carried on with the proclamation that free beer would to be given to all citizens married to Germans.

There was a stunned silence after the final measure – the Turner Prize to be scrapped in favour of the ‘Alf Garnett Award for Philosophy’ – and the Queen rose unsteadily to her feet and left the historic chamber, followed by a grinning Duke of Edinburgh.

Although the chief flunky at Buckingham Palace blamed an administrative error for the Queen being given the wrong speech; insiders pointed to a certain elderly immigrant from an impoverished EU country, coincidentally married to a person of German descent.

Later, Nigel Farage commented “This was obviously a cock-up, but it did give us a chance to demonstrate that UKIP can no longer be considered a single issue party.”


Filed under News, Politics, Royals

4 Responses to Chaos as Queen inadvertently reads UKIP speech handed to her by Prince Philip

  1. Scotland, there We have it, We are “ungrateful bastards”, this IS exactly how Southern Engerlanders think about us Scots.
    Why dont you Officially say this, We wont mind, ya shower of Useless Clunts!

  2. At this point I think it’s a case of:
    1) Scotland dislike Westminster, unfortunately this is wrongly stretched to the stereotype that we hate all English people. We don’t,
    2) They myth of all “southern Englanders” hating Scot’s has a been a heavy representation of the few murmurs we hear about coming from anyone in the English media. Odds are, just as they are in contrast up here, not true.
    3) UKIP are mental.
    4) I could be wrong.