Tag Archives: Tony Abbott

Australia officially takes over as global village idiots


This quokka’s only smiling because it doesn’t know how dumb it is

Australia has officially taken over from the USA as global village idiots following a recent flurry of good ideas from Washington on things like healthcare, gay marriage and extremism. As he received the golden sheep’s bladder on a stick from Barack Obama during a ceremony in Canberra earlier today, Prime Minister Tony Abbott said that he is delighted by his country’s rise. Continue reading

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‘Prince Philip not nearly racist enough for knighthood’, complain Australians

"Is that a spear in your pocket, or are you pleased to see me"

“Is that a spear in your pocket, or are you pleased to see me”

Prime Minister Tony Abbott’s announcement that Prince Philip is to receive an Australian knighthood was greeted with amazement by ordinary Australians, who complained there are plenty of more deserving home-grown racists.

“His affable, good-natured brand of racism is all talk and no action”, said Shane from Brisbane. “As far as I know Philip’s never even lightly toasted an Aborigine, let alone grilled one on the barbie.”
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Great Barrier Reef ‘to become enormous sewage farm’


Oh look, a floater!

The Australian government has defended its controversial decision to approve the construction of an enormous sewage treatment plant on top of the entire Barrier Reef. Prime Minister Tony Abbott’s Liberal Party government have not made the environment their top priority, but few expected them to cover the world’s largest coral reef system in human excrement so soon after coming to power.

Great Barrier Reef Marine Park Authority chairman, Dr Russell Reichelt, said he recognised the amount of debate and community concern the project had generated, but wanted to assure the public that “only the finest human faeces will be chosen to be dumped on the reef, along with specially-selected soiled nappies and sanitary products.” Continue reading

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Australia day to be celebrated by dropping ‘welcome those across the seas’ bit from national anthem


Where’s your bloody visa?

The Australian government has announced that this year’s Australia Day will be commemorated by finally dropping the lines in the second verse of the national anthem which go:  “For those who’ve come across the seas, We’ve boundless plains to share”.

Prime Minister Tony Abbott announced the change at a press conference this morning, expressing his “deep concern” that the words ever got put there in the first place:

“I thought I ought to know a bit about the old anthem, being Prime Minister, and after reading through it a few times it just sort of leapt out – what the hell is this bullshit about people coming across the seas?”
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Filed under Politics, Travel

Austalia’s new PM takes casual dress politics to a new extreme


It’s fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings .


The caption is a quote lovingly stolen from the incomparable David Niven.

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Australia’s reputation for sexual equality ‘in tatters’


It’s all about respect

There were fears today that the excellent reputation for women’s rights built up over many years in Australia could be fatally tarnished after various unsavoury incidents, including Chris Gayle’s embarrassing flirting and Member of Parliament Peter Dutton being forced to apologise for calling a female journalist a “fucking witch”.

Over the past hundred years or so, few countries have had the excellent reputation for sexual equality enjoyed by Australia. It has always been a given that at work or leisure, sexism was quite unheard of, and females could enjoy a life of absolute equality without the faintest hint of lechery or belittlement. This ingrained culture of inclusiveness is displayed just as much towards the country’s aboriginal community, who have always enjoyed better treatment than that of any other developed nation, and are so well represented in parliament.

It is all the more shocking that a country with Australia’s unparalleled cultural heritage should be besmirched in this way, placing at risk the great intellectual legacy left by former Prime Minister Tony Abbott.

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Filed under Culture, International News