Tag Archives: Greenpeace

Protesters set up fracking site on Cameron’s forehead

Protesters have surprised prime minister David Cameron by setting up a fracking site around his forehead.

“If he thinks it is OK for companies to frack on any area of wasteland regardless of people’s concerns, then he won’t mind us drilling the large expanse above his eyebrows” one of the protesters explained.

“As the tory peer Lord Howell said, it is fine to start drilling in ‘desolate’ areas with ‘plenty of room’. And after his loss to Ukip in the recent elections, he’ll be used to any earthquakes we cause in his cranium.”

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Great Barrier Reef ‘to become enormous sewage farm’


Oh look, a floater!

The Australian government has defended its controversial decision to approve the construction of an enormous sewage treatment plant on top of the entire Barrier Reef. Prime Minister Tony Abbott’s Liberal Party government have not made the environment their top priority, but few expected them to cover the world’s largest coral reef system in human excrement so soon after coming to power.

Great Barrier Reef Marine Park Authority chairman, Dr Russell Reichelt, said he recognised the amount of debate and community concern the project had generated, but wanted to assure the public that “only the finest human faeces will be chosen to be dumped on the reef, along with specially-selected soiled nappies and sanitary products.” Continue reading

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Plastic bag charge: dolphins rejoice that their lives are worth 5p

Wee hee, I got 5p!

Wee hee, I got 5p!

The dolphin community are said to be excitedly doing backflips at the news that all supermarkets are to charge shoppers 5p per plastic bag in an attempt to save the environment.

Southend tour boat operator Gavin Erikson said a local dolphin that follows his boat around, Ono, was distraught that her eldest son became entangled in 20 plastic bags and drowned, but Ono’s anguish turned to delight upon finding that the 20 bags were worth £1.

Erikson said the word must have got round other dolphins as there was a spate of groundings as dolphins tried to wriggle up Southend beach in an attempt to reach the plastic bags at the waterfront Tescos.
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