Tag Archives: coal

Great Barrier Reef ‘to become enormous sewage farm’


Oh look, a floater!

The Australian government has defended its controversial decision to approve the construction of an enormous sewage treatment plant on top of the entire Barrier Reef. Prime Minister Tony Abbott’s Liberal Party government have not made the environment their top priority, but few expected them to cover the world’s largest coral reef system in human excrement so soon after coming to power.

Great Barrier Reef Marine Park Authority chairman, Dr Russell Reichelt, said he recognised the amount of debate and community concern the project had generated, but wanted to assure the public that “only the finest human faeces will be chosen to be dumped on the reef, along with specially-selected soiled nappies and sanitary products.” Continue reading

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‘Lump of coal’ is this year’s must-have Christmas gift


Cold? Frankincense? Brrr.

Britain’s freezing pensioners, children and other humans are putting their Christmas lists together early this year – and there’s just one must-have item on their minds: a lump of coal.

As energy prices soar for the 238th consecutive week, many in the UK have forgotten what it’s like to feel their feet. With many families ripping out their gas pipes, selling them to gypsies and using the proceeds to switch a light on for an hour, the thought of a string of Christmas lanterns is too much to bear.

“Struggling families face a stark choice this year”, explained Harold’s vicar Tansy Forster, “between having something to eat, or switching the heating on. Fortunately, coal can satisfy both of these desires: it’s flammable and not all that undelicious if you use it to make a smoothie. But remember that legally, you mustn’t call it ‘Coke’.”
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