Tag Archives: Margaret Thatcher

Local bank ‘was just a front for a launderette’

Bank, became a launderette, now a pound shop.

Bank, then a launderette, now a poundshop.

From the outside, it looked like any other High Street Bank. But behind the heavy wooden doors, a laundering operation was providing services for working people with no washing machines of their own.

Documents obtained by the Evening Harold from the local Planning Committee reveal conclusively that a ‘change of use’ application was approved in 1959, subject to the building retaining its original facade.

“I’m not surprised at all,” said Doris Kettle who remembers well the massive ‘just one more sixpence’ launderette drying machine swindle of the 1960s.

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Filed under Around Harold, Business, Lifestyle, News, Nostalgia, Travel, Weather

‘How would Thatcher vote on Brexit?’ to be resolved by séance

thatcher

” Oh no, she’s still alive isn’t she?”

EU ‘inners’ and ‘outers’ have both prayed in aid the late  Margaret Thatcher, leaving many uncertain about which way she wants them to vote.

Norman Tebbit who’s cadaverous appearance lends weight to his claim to know Mrs Thatcher’s current views, has been widely quoted across all news media, dismissing claims that she would vote Continue reading

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Filed under Europe, News, Politics

Thatcher’s estate to auction ‘that Tank’

thatchertank

On the lookout for an Argie, or an Arthur

A Challenger Tank once driven by Margaret Thatcher, is to be sold in aid of orphans Carol and ‘Sir’ Mark Thatcher.

Chuffed by the sale of a red ministerial box for £242,500, the family are keen to sell some other things that taxpayers thought they’d paid for.

The dusty Battle Tank, ‘found’ in a mews lock-up near her last home, with its keys still in the ignition, will shortly go under the hammer, as will Continue reading

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Police investigate whether Thatcher abused miners

Thatcher about to enter a miner's hole

Thatcher about to enter a miner’s hole

An investigation into Margaret Thatcher allegedly abusing over 150,000 miners has stalled after Police failed to find any trace of a mining industry let alone any miners.

“Most of the abuse was alleged to have occurred up North but no matter how many holes in the ground we peered into, or broken communities we visited, no miners could be found” said a Scotland Yard spokesman.

“We now suspect Thatcher may have hid them on a very large yacht.”
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Notorious serial killer tricked into retweeting photo of Margaret Thatcher

MaggieBritain’s most notorious female serial killer, Rose West, is furious after being tricked into retweeting a photo of Margaret Thatcher.

Twitter user Simon Delaney sent West the Thatcher photo saying it was his ‘Nan’ who was a big fan of West’s ruthless work ethic and could the photo please be retweeted in her memory?
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“Women MPs are more amenable and less objectionable” says tragic memory loss MP

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Less objectionable than who?

Labour MP Austin Mitchell has revealed the full and tragic extent of his memory loss. In an interview yesterday it soon became obvious that he couldn’t even remember meeting a woman nor any details of life between 1979 and 1990. Continue reading

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Jurassic farce: Desperate Tories clone past leader to woo voters from UKIP

Margaret-Thatcher1

Everyone stay still, her vision is based on movement

Following another incident in the South West the Tory party has finally admitted that it has been cloning Margaret Thatcher and other past members that it believes will appeal specifically to Ukip voters. Operation Enoch is believed to have been running for at least a year and be located on Lundy island twelve miles off the Devon coast.

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Labour ‘sorry’ after revelation Gary Glitter led the party for most of 70s

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Gary Glitter in his heyday enjoying a joke with political rival Margaret Thatcher

The Labour party has apologised for “getting it wrong” after revelations that the party was led for much of the 1970s by notorious paedophile Gary Glitter.

A spokesman admitted Labour was “naive” over its links with Glitter, but insisted that paedophilia was now almost totally eradicated from the party, and had only ever been a “minority interest”.

After losing the 1970 general election, Labour famously decided to widen its appeal by seeking new members from the entertainment industry, and figures such as Glitter quickly rose to positions of importance. The present-day party’s insistence that child molestation was not widespread is perhaps questionable, given the presence in the shadow cabinet of Jimmy Savile, Stuart Hall,  and the “Child Catcher” out of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Continue reading

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Thatcher Halloween flight-path looks set to give Harold sky-watchers a treat

witchy thatch

Heseltine criticised the witch for buying an American broom.

With confirmation that the late Baroness Thatcher’s ‘Halloween Fly-By’ route will pass directly over Harold on Thursday, local astronomers have every chance of an excellent view of the comet-like phenomenon.

The former PM’s icy skeleton said she’s ‘really looking forward to dusting off the old broomstick and heading up North to scare the living daylights out of Arthur Scargill.’

She is due to depart Gatwick Airport at 1900 hours, regardless of the weather, flying directly over Harold before arriving in the Barnsley area around midnight. A defiant Scargill tweeted ‘Ooh, see me quaking in me pit boots, pet.’
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Cameron denies plans to ‘go a bit Falklands’ over Gibraltar

camerontank

Creepy, isn’t it?

As the row over fishing rights and a border tax in Gibraltar escalates tensions between the UK and Spain, David Cameron has denied that he is channelling Margaret Thatcher and planning to go a bit Falklands.

“Nothing could be further from the truth,” said the Prime Minister as he gripped his handbag tightly. “I am deeply concerned about the situation in Gibraltar and considering all available options. If one of them happens to be a small victorious war which I can secure another term as PM off the back of  then that doesn’t mean I’ll definitely chose it. Just almost definitely, which is entirely different.” Continue reading

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Thatcher falls off roof and dies

thatch

Oops…

In a tragic accident, Britain’s first lady thatcher died this morning while working on the roof of Rose Cottage in the village of Harold.

Witnesses say Margaret Dennis appeared to be surprised by the sound of gunshot coming from all directions, which turned out to be a gun salute from a ceremonial funeral being watched on TV by half the village’s inhabitants. Continue reading

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Mark Thatcher gets lost on the way to his mother’s funeral

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Mark Thatcher was reported missing earlier today after getting lost on his way to his mother’s funeral. Amongst the initial confusion over how someone could get lost on a short drive to St Paul’s Cathedral, one of London’s most famous landmarks, a friend, who wished to remain anonymous, offered this insight into the fifty-nine year old hereditary Baron’s psyche.

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Nick Clegg claims that Margaret Thatcher would have been a Clegger

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Nick Clegg has caused wide-spread offence by leaving a message in the visitors book at the Margaret Thatcher museum that has left many people slack-jawed with disbelief.

Simply known as Margaret Thatcher’s House, the former prime minister’s childhood home above her father’s grocery shop in Grantham, Lincolnshire has been preserved as a museum since November 1990 with many visitors left hushed and awed by its unique atmosphere of ruthlessness and scorn. Nick Clegg and his entourage spent over an hour touring it before he wrote “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Maggie was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Clegger” in the visitors book. Continue reading

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Football players to honour Thatcher with a minute’s violence

TerryIn a major U-turn, Football Association chief David Bernstein has agreed that Margaret Thatcher will be honoured with a minute’s violence at this weekend’s FA Cup semi-finals at Wembley Stadium. The fact that both matches are North – South encounters only adds to their poignancy.

Chelsea hard man John Terry welcomed the chance to honour Thatcher, and said he hoped to do a two-footed challenge on Manchester City’s James Milner.

“There are no guarantees, but if I get the timing right, I could end his career” said Terry. “Another Northerner on the scrapheap would be just what Maggie wanted.”

“If I can steal milk from a small child at half-time, it will be even better.”
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