There were tears across the globe this morning when news leaked that Justin Bieber’s plea bargain defence for illegal street racing will be accepted. Meaning that the half-man half-hair moussed jackal is free to continue his spree of crimes against music. Continue reading
Tag Archives: justin bieber
Tragedy as Justin Bieber is not sentenced to jail
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Filed under Entertainment
Sadness as Orlando Bloom fails to hit Justin Bieber properly
Orlando Bloom has broken the hearts of his legions of fans, and disappointed everyone else, by failing to give Justin Bieber a decent slap when the opportunity arose. Having been insulted by Satan’s pop-meerkat, Bloom allegedly tried to punch him but failed to connect his blow leaving Bieber unscathed. Continue reading
Filed under Entertainment
Justin Bieber album charged with assaulting driver
An album by Justin Bieber is facing prosecution after inflicting itself on an innocent driver.
The disparate collection of mp3 tracks, known collectively as ‘Believe’, caused the driver to deliberately drive into a wall.
“I was heading down the A34 minding my own business, doing the ‘steering wheel drums’ to a track by Bruce Springsteen”, said the victim, Derek Handley.
“Suddenly there was a terrible pain in my ears and my vision was clouded by a red mist. I’d been set upon by a youth, probably Bieber or One Direction”, said Handley.
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Filed under Crime, Culture, Showbusiness
‘Mock the Week’ scoring fixed say Abu Hamza, Prescott, Bieber
As embittered former Home Secretary David Blunkett calls for satirical television programmes such as Mock The Week to face tougher scrutiny from libel lawyers, other sourpuss victims of the BBC show’s lazy humour are urging government media watchdogs to go further and investigate the ‘suspicious’ scoring system used by the BBC on the show.
An unlikely ‘Coalition of the Mocked’, including pop-star Justin Bieber, former deputy PM John Prescott and Muslim cleric Abu Hamza have called the show’s integrity into question and say that point scoring is arbitrary at best, and at worst could be fixed, which would ‘seriously undermine viewer trust in the Corporation’.
Media insiders say that the BBC, already reeling from the controversy over executive pay-offs and the Jimmy Savile scandals, will do anything to avoid another parliamentary enquiry and are doing their best to block this, but they could be powerless in the face of a damning dossier prepared by the group.
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Filed under Art, Culture, Politics, Showbusiness
Disgust as Justin Bieber defecates on fans
Unsettling Canadian pop-chipmunk Justin Bieber has topped off a controversial week by defecating on fans gathered under his hotel balcony.
Over the last few days the nineteen year old sign that the apocalypse has begun has spat on fans, allegedly attacked a DJ and been caught urinating in a mop bucket he found in a restaurant corridor. Now this latest exhibition of grim anti-social behaviour has increased speculation that The Biebs as millions of fans across the globe call him is going what’s known in the music industry as ‘a bit Michael’ and believing himself to be above the law and social convention. Continue reading
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Filed under International News, Showbusiness
Singing in playground banned as Minister says culture must be presented as a commodity
‘Maria Miller said that “when times are tough and money is tight, our focus must be on culture’s economic impact” and once we as a staff team team had considered the monetary value of pupils singing and putting on little dance shows shows in the playground just for fun then it became clear that this was something that we had to put a stop to.’ Continue reading
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Filed under Around Harold, News, Politics
Nick Clegg claims that Margaret Thatcher would have been a Clegger
Nick Clegg has caused wide-spread offence by leaving a message in the visitors book at the Margaret Thatcher museum that has left many people slack-jawed with disbelief.
Simply known as Margaret Thatcher’s House, the former prime minister’s childhood home above her father’s grocery shop in Grantham, Lincolnshire has been preserved as a museum since November 1990 with many visitors left hushed and awed by its unique atmosphere of ruthlessness and scorn. Nick Clegg and his entourage spent over an hour touring it before he wrote “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Maggie was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Clegger” in the visitors book. Continue reading
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Filed under International News, News, Politics
Radio 1 defend the right to play Justin Bieber
BBC Radio 1 have today had to deny claims they are being cruel and insensitive, and refused to back down from a decision to play the music of Justin Bieber. The move comes as people who remember the 1980’s and early 1990’s mourn the death of decent music.
The BBC in defending their position have told us they ‘have a duty to play the music people are buying, even if those people are under the age of 16 and have no idea what they are talking about.’
However, not everyone has been critical of the BBC. Sally Moody from the ‘OMG Justin Bieber, We Love You’ fan club told us “the BBC should play Justin all day ‘cos he is lush. Continue reading
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