Tag Archives: prosecution

Justin Bieber album charged with assaulting driver


Public are advised to avoid the album at all costs.

An album by Justin Bieber is facing prosecution after inflicting itself on an innocent driver.

The disparate collection of mp3 tracks, known collectively as ‘Believe’, caused the driver to deliberately drive into a wall.

“I was heading down the A34 minding my own business, doing the ‘steering wheel drums’ to a track by Bruce Springsteen”, said the victim, Derek Handley.

“Suddenly there was a terrible pain in my ears and my vision was clouded by a red mist. I’d been set upon by a youth, probably Bieber or One Direction”, said Handley.

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Filed under Crime, Culture, Showbusiness

‘School run mums’ teach kids ‘tuck and roll’ exit technique


‘Don’t forget your sandwiches…’

School run mums in Harold are teaching their children to exit vehicles at speed, to avoid fines from council stooges with cameras.

Dozens of parents have been fined for parking illegally while dropping their kids off at the local primary school, with photographic evidence being used to make the charges stick in court.

But desperate families who live some 1200 yards away have adopted an alarming new technique, which involves ejecting children at speeds of up to 20 miles an hour.
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Filed under Education, News, Politics